Chapter 34: Boys, Men
I really struggle with saying these kinds of things, huh?
Looking at Barry’s reaction, I could feel the intense sense of resentment bubbling up inside him… It seemed that my earlier words didn’t comfort the little boy at all, but rather stirred up some hidden emotions deep within him… and a determination that’s still too murky to tell if it’s good or bad.
Oh well…
Given his current state and perception, I didn’t really expect him to grasp anything right after hearing me. It’s completely normal to not understand; having strong negative emotions isn’t a bad thing. It’s better than wallowing in gloom and despair.
The little boy has to grow up eventually.
To become a towering, admired hero, one must first endure pains that ordinary folks can hardly bear. If you keep depending on others instead of pushing through hurdles on your own, then you’ll never amount to anything.
“Lilith will arrange for you to leave soon.”
I turned away, no longer looking at him, pouring myself a glass of warm water while attempting to comfort the boy: “I have a good idea of who she’s found for you… if I’m right, it’s someone you can absolutely trust. He can keep you alive and teach you useful things. Following him will be way safer than sticking with me, and you won’t end up wandering off down the wrong path.”
“I… don’t want to—”
“This isn’t about what you want or don’t want.”
Hearing him throw a tantrum still got to me, so I frowned, took a few sips of water, and slammed my cup down on the bedside table with a “thud”: “Barry, if you don’t like being treated like a kid, then stop saying these childish things, okay? Do you realize how much risk and effort your little girlfriend Lilith took on to help you escape? She’s a woman, yet she’s way more mature and composed than you are. You—”
I suddenly trailed off, forcing myself to swallow back any harsh criticism, and let out a deep sigh: “Forget it. I don’t want to meet you for the first time just to lecture you. There’s no point in arguing again. Last time you didn’t listen to me, if you still refuse to hear me out this time, think about Lilith, about her feelings for you. You can’t let her down. You’re already a man now; you can’t just think about what you want while letting those around you carry the heavier burdens.”
“I’m not… I didn’t…”
Barry wanted to argue, but as soon as the words hit his lips, he couldn’t think of a single reason, so his voice trailed off: “It’s not like you said…”
I walked back in front of him.
Looking at the tense little boy, seated stiffly, I tilted my head and lightly flicked his forehead.
Thunk.
The sound was as crisp as a fresh apple.
He immediately covered his forehead and looked up at me.
“Alright.”
I forced a smile at him and said, “Don’t dwell endlessly on what’s already happened. I know it’s tough, but can you at least muster some spirit like a man?”
“Look, things can’t possibly get worse, right? If you think that way, the next things you encounter will be better than now.”
I wondered if this smile looked too forced… if it could just be a bit more natural, that’d be great.
“As for the remaining issues… after you leave, I’ll find a way to help you sort them. At the very least, I won’t let more people chase you down for the bounty. If possible, we could also get rid of your Third Knights Order criminal status… of course, whether or not that works means you won’t be a Church Knight anymore. You’ll need to walk a brand new path with a new identity that no one, including us, has predicted.”
I patted his head, “Remember, this is the last time I’m helping you. If new troubles pop up in the future, you’ve got to learn to resolve them yourself instead of crying and throwing tantrums at those closest to you… That’s not manly, let alone heroic… I heard you swung a sword at Lilith, right, Barry?”
“……”
The boy fell silent, lowering his head, too afraid to look me in the eye: “…yeah.”
“Don’t let this happen again, okay?”
Some things don’t need to be repeated or overshared; just hitting the nail on the head is enough. Barry isn’t a child anymore; he can distinguish right from wrong.
“Don’t do things that make girls sad, especially for the one who loves you without anything in return. Lilith is really nice to you; I hope that before you focus on keeping up with me, you can think about what you can do to give back for her efforts. Think about how you can support her, and then go for it.”
“I’m not asking you to one day put a blade to your enemy’s throat, nor should you always dream of standing beside me. Try being a support for the woman who loves you, a support for your grandma back in the Northern Region, and do what you can for them, rather than making them worry about you every day. Being a ‘hero’ doesn’t mean being everyone’s hero; it can also mean being a hero to just a few people. If you can sincerely do that, then you’ll already be a real man.”
Well, that should be enough.
As for how much Barry really took in from my words in his current state, I had no idea. But I believe he’ll eventually understand the meaning behind it all, recall it at crucial moments, and be driven to become a better person in the not-so-distant future.
That would be the best outcome.
I hope the words I said to him today can play a crucial role in his choices later in life.
But for now, let’s just leave it here.
I didn’t want to say anything more, giving the boy some time to think for himself.
And so, next came a prolonged silence.
Neither of us rushed to leave the room or had anything pressing to do; yet being together in quiet didn’t quite sit right and made the atmosphere feel oddly strange.
But no one seemed to care at that moment.
I sat down on the floor and sorted through my bag a bit, giving my cloak and mask a quick rinse with some water from my flask, at the very least cleaning off the bl**d. Meanwhile, Barry sat on the edge of the bed not too far away, lost in his thoughts.
As it neared noon, noticing the boy still seemed a bit weak and not in the best spirits, I half-forced him to lie down. Barry was reluctant, insisting he had rested enough and he’d recovered, but his pale face betrayed him—he definitely needed to recharge for whatever unexpected situations might arise and needed to wait for the right moment to escape this city completely.
After much persuasion, I finally got him to lie down, but the boy wouldn’t close his eyes. He kept sneaking glances at my spot, like a child without a sense of security, just needing to confirm I was still in the room, fearing that when he opened his eyes again, I would have vanished from his view.
“Just sleep.”
“Stop staring at me…”
“I’m not going anywhere… at least not until you safely leave Alectine City.”
“If you don’t sleep soon, I really will leave…”
“Well, you seem pretty awake right now; you don’t need me to take care of you anymore.”
Ultimately, through some playful words meant to soothe a child, the boy feared I might genuinely get angry and leave, so he finally closed his eyes and went to sleep, quietly drifting off when I wasn’t paying attention.
And he slept straight through until the afternoon.
During that time, the maid came by again. This time she didn’t knock, just quietly stood at the door for a while, as if trying to eavesdrop on what was happening inside.
She clearly harbored doubts about me, no matter what she was suspecting…
I didn’t think she had any way of knowing Barry’s identity, but it was entirely possible she guessed someone else was hiding in the room, which might lead her to connect the dots elsewhere.
The maid evidently had her own schemes since the moment I stepped into the tavern. I didn’t know what she was planning to do, nor was I interested. Initially, I could have ignored it until something really happened, but now that Barry was here, continuing like this could lead to unnecessary trouble…
I guess I’ll wait and see.
Once Lilith comes by again tonight, I’ll bring up the idea of changing locations.
Though I still haven’t thought of where exactly to go, at least it needs to be a place she can find.
