090. Going Home
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The typhoon dealt quite the blow to this city.
As Lin Nan and Chen Yao hopped into their rideshare, they gazed out the window and realized that the storm from the other night was even harsher than they’d anticipated.
The chaos at school seemed to mirror the streets: plants toppled over, and a few trees lay flat on the ground. The ground was blanket-layered with fallen leaves, and yet, here they were, two days later, with not a soul in sight to tidy it up.
They must be busy dealing with other, more pressing matters.
The distance from school to the train station was quite the trek, and since Chen Yao wasn’t fond of public transport, they decided to call a rideshare instead. Sure, it cost a pretty penny—nearly a hundred bucks—but comfort was worth it.
With the hassle of crowded buses out of the way, their journey back home was surprisingly smooth, rolling straight from the train station to the small county, then catching a private rickshaw on the roadside, zipping back to their respective homes in style.
Compared to their last trip back in September, Lin Nan felt this journey was a walk in the park.
By the time they arrived at her doorstep, it was late at night.
As Lin Nan pulled out her keys to unlock the door, she suddenly hesitated. How was she supposed to face her parents?
Before, she was convinced she wanted to come home and see them, not wanting to be treated like a stranger after fully transitioning into a girl, but now that the moment had arrived, she felt a bit like a scared rabbit.
What if I get kicked out? Mom can’t be that cruel, right?
What if they act like I’m a stranger? They’ve hardly been home lately, and it’s been nearly two months since we last saw each other; they could mistake me for a thief!
Maybe they’ll cart me off for a medical exam, drag me into counseling? What if they think I’m a boy but have the heart of a girl?
Waves of anxiety crashed over her, making Lin Nan feel even more nervous—she almost entertained the thought of turning back and heading to school.
Dad’s in the hospital; Mom’s probably still there taking care of him, right?
A sudden realization hit her—maybe there was no need to face her parents so soon, which offered her a tad more comfort.
She raised her keys again, ready to open the door, just as the iron gate swung wide open from the inside. She looked up to see her mother, holding a trash bag, and felt an overwhelming urge to bolt.
“Who are you…?” her mother paused, staring at the short girl on the other side of the door. Her gaze dropped to the keys in Lin Nan’s hand and that oh-so-familiar suitcase. “Nan Nan?”
The name Nan Nan wasn’t just a nickname her roommate had given her; it was also what her parents called her when she was little.
“Uh…” Lin Nan lowered her head, avoiding eye contact and nervously fidgeting with the hem of her shirt as her hands hid behind her back.
Her mother’s gaze felt like a spotlight, making Lin Nan squirm, an overwhelming guilt washing over her for being so femininely transformed.
“Come inside.” Her mom casually tossed the trash to the side and stepped back, creating some space. She grabbed a pair of slippers from the shoe cabinet and said flatly, “Your dad’s still in the hospital. What brings you back so suddenly?”
That tone sent chills down Lin Nan’s spine. As she timidly picked up her suitcase and stepped inside, every muscle in her body was tense; the once innocuous temperature inside the house now felt like a sauna, and beads of sweat trickled down her forehead.
Was this the calm before the storm?
Other kids might have had drama over a failed exam and how to face their parents for that signature, but Lin Nan had never experienced anything close to that.
Her heartbeat raced, and she could practically hear it pounding in her ears. Walking in to change her shoes felt like moving in slow motion.
“Want some water? Why didn’t you say anything before coming back?” Her mother made her way to the little coffee table in the living room, poured a cup of water, and placed it on the table before looking up and asking, “Are you going to see your dad tomorrow?”
“I guess I’ll just peek in…” Lin Nan whispered, dragging her suitcase toward her room like it was a weighty anchor.
As she entered her bedroom, she realized that what was once hers now bore signs of someone else living there; the bed was neatly made, and there was a subtle whiff of perfume in the air.
She stood there dumbfounded for a moment until her mother walked in, explaining, “I’ve been using your room since you’ve been gone.”
Have things between them sunk this low?
Lin Nan didn’t have deep feelings for either of her parents, but even so, this revelation hurt a bit.
She dropped her suitcase in the corner and took out her laptop.
The suitcase didn’t contain much—a laptop, a couple of summer outfits—taking up only half the space. She quickly managed to organize her belongings, only to look back and find her mother still watching her from the doorway, her brow slightly furrowed, lost in thought.
She definitely noticed something, didn’t she?
Lin Nan bit her lip, took a deep breath, but didn’t know what to say.
“How’s Dad… doing?” she asked softly.
“He should be okay.” Her mother sat on the edge of the bed and patted the space beside her, beckoning Lin Nan to join.
Instantly, Lin Nan felt a surge of anxiety, her heart racing like it was auditioning for an Olympic sprint. But she couldn’t contradict her mother’s invitation, so she gingerly walked over and sat down next to her.
“If your dad and I got divorced, who would you stay with?” her mother suddenly asked.
Lin Nan’s brain crashed for a moment before she managed to respond, “I’m eighteen! Isn’t that old enough to decide for myself?”
“True, at least your dad will pay for your schooling.”
She didn’t know how to answer. Though she was pretty indifferent about family ties, a part of her still craved a complete and harmonious family.
Her mother clearly seemed troubled regarding the divorce, while Lin Nan felt it wasn’t her place to interfere in her parents’ issues. After all, they never included her in major decisions; it was always up to them, and she didn’t have a say.
But hey, maybe that’s why her mother hadn’t paid much attention to her changes?
Just as Lin Nan thought she might have a silver lining, her mother asked, “How come you’ve gotten so pretty in these two months?”
“Pretty” in her mother’s dialect was an ambiguous term, referring to both genders. Lin Nan couldn’t discern whether it was praise or condemnation.
She pursed her lips, lowered her head, and pondered what to say for what felt like ages.
There was no way she could tell her mother she’d been turning into a girl bit by bit because of some otherworldly affair, right?
“Your personality’s becoming more girly too; you might end up getting taken advantage of in society.” Seeing Lin Nan wasn’t responding, her mother reached out and began to tousle Lin Nan’s hair, letting out a long sigh, “And your hair has gotten so long; don’t you know you need a haircut…”
Lin Nan sensed a hint of guilt in her mother’s tone.
But how could she be sure her ears weren’t deceiving her? The close proximity to her mother felt strangely uncomfortable.
In her memories, she hardly ever had scenes involving close encounters with her parents.
“Don’t worry about your dad; I’ve hired a nurse who’ll take care of him. It’s late already, let me tidy up your bed so you can get some rest, okay?”
Lin Nan eagerly nodded, but then hesitated, glancing at the medical report wedged between her clothes.
Before long, her room was set up nicely, with her familiar bedding arranged on the bed. After sweeping up the floor, her mother was ready to leave.
“Mom…” Lin Nan called out impulsively, stopping her in her tracks.
