197. Homecoming
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If Lin Nan took the high-speed train home, she would have to transfer buses a few times along the way, turning what should be a two-hour trip into a four or five-hour slog.
But this time, Lin Nan was in a ride-share.
Clutching her cat backpack, she plopped down on the right side of the backseat, her brow furrowed as she gazed out the window. An uneasy, anxious feeling bubbled up inside her, making it hard to grasp any joy about going home.
Chen Yao kept peeking at the ride-share app for directions, chatting with the driver about the latest international news, big national topics, which eventually turned into grumbling about job issues, and then the driver launched into one of those “you won’t believe what happened at the bathhouse” stories.
“Whoa, there’s a lady,” Chen Yao interrupted the driver.
“Oh, I almost forgot about the quiet one in the back!” The driver nearly forgot Lin Nan was there at all since she hadn’t made a peep since they took off.
After more than two hours on the road, Lin Nan finally spotted familiar streets.
Her hometown was just a county town, with no skyscrapers nor shady green trees. Instead, she was greeted by the sight of crumbling old low-rise buildings on either side of the street. Most structures stood around seven to eight floors tall, had no elevators, and looked ancient.
Although her family’s urban village was right in the town’s center, it was still just a village, and the roads barely accommodated cars. Filthy sewage lurked everywhere while the raucous calls of street vendors filled the air.
The car came to a stop at the entrance to the urban village. Lin Nan quietly opened the door, retrieving her suitcase from the trunk.
Inside her luggage were her computer and a few outfits, perfectly packed, though her cat, Cola, would have to make do with a food bowl and litter box bought nearby.
“Do you want me to come back with you?” Chen Yao glanced at the departing ride-share with a hint of worry in his eyes.
“No need,” Lin Nan shook her head, refusing his offer.
Despite her words, a clear sadness clouded her face, leaving Chen Yao helpless. All he could manage was, “Holler if you need anything.”
“Okay.”
Lin Nan nodded, dragging her suitcase while carrying her backpack as she strolled into the urban village.
She had lived here since middle school, with a bizarre mix of people rushing through. Yet the faces of the neighbors around the small stalls were still familiar. However, when they saw her, their warmth felt frozen, as if she were a complete stranger, merely astonished by her youthful beauty.
Lin Nan knew they probably wouldn’t recognize her anymore.
Passing by the breakfast shop she frequented in her school days, she instinctively nodded and smiled at the familiar owner, who looked up in utter confusion, trying to figure out who this girl was.
Last time she came home, she didn’t have the luxury of time. This time, however, she genuinely felt the past Lin Nan drift away like leaves in the wind.
Not paying much mind to those around her, she lowered her head and kept moving toward home.
Entering the familiar building, she dragged her suitcase up the stairs, feeling increasingly tense and low, until she arrived at the door, where she suddenly lifted her head to look at the familiar door number.
After dropping her suitcase, she fished out her keys and tried to unlock the door, only to find the key didn’t match the house’s lock anymore.
Have my parents moved somewhere else?
Lin Nan stood there, staring at the shiny new lock in confusion, ready to call her mother.
But then she heard footsteps inside the house, maybe from the clink of keys against the lock.
A moment later, the door swung open, revealing her father’s weary face.
Lin Nan looked up at her tall, lean father. He seemed to have aged more in the last two months, his face lined with deeper wrinkles, and the crow’s feet around his eyes more pronounced.
“Who are you?”
Her father stared at the girl in the doorway, and when Lin Nan heard his voice, she flinched back two steps, wide-eyed with alarm. But as she studied that vaguely familiar face, he gradually recalled the girl he had seen two months ago in the hospital.
“Lin… Lin Nan?”
If memory served correctly, that’s how his kid’s mom had introduced her.
“Yeah.” The girl lowered her head shyly.
“Come on in.” He casually picked up her suitcase while glancing at the cat she was carrying, saying nothing more as he turned and headed inside.
Lin Nan had braced herself for a squealing reunion or a cold shoulder, but instead, faced with her father, her heart was only filled with a twinge of fear and wariness.
In her eyes, his reaction seemed strangely indifferent.
Stepping inside, she watched him carry her suitcase into his room, feeling utterly out of place in what used to be home—now felt like a scene from someone else’s life.
“Have a seat, let’s chat?”
Her father wore a stiff expression as Lin Nan quickly dropped the cat backpack and walked forward, head bowed.
They settled onto the couch, and he turned on the TV, getting absorbed in a World War II drama that seemed to delight him.
If memory was correct, her dad adored TV dramas, no matter the content. He appeared to consume shows without a hint of critical thinking, simply to unwind.
Lin Nan had very few memories of him, only recalling that stern expression which always scared her as a child. She never dared to act cute around him, and as she grew up, their communication dwindled to a complete halt.
“So your mom and I separated,” he crossed his legs, leaned back into the couch, casually fiddling with the remote control. “The house is split down the middle. You’re an adult now, but I’ll support you until you graduate university.”
“Uh-huh.”
This time, her father seemed to accept her a bit more easily.
Lin Nan’s muscles tensed, bracing for any more hurtful words.
“Your mom said you had some kind of illness?” He suddenly turned his gaze toward her.
“Dysphoria.” Lin Nan quietly pulled out the ID Li Na had arranged with magic and handed it to him, weakly adding, “I’m… a girl now.”
He merely glanced at the ID before passing it back, his expression unchanged, as if he’d already accepted everything, without questioning it. Maybe he had no clue about the surgery?
Perhaps his previous harsh words were just the aftermath of an argument with her mother?
Seeing this response from him allowed Lin Nan to breathe a little easier. So far, he had just opened the door and lifted her suitcase, maintaining that poker face, but it was enough for most of her frustration to drift away.
I’m such a softy.
Lin Nan thought to herself.
“So you’re a girl now?” Her father didn’t wait for an answer, continuing as though talking to himself, “That’s…ok, right? It’s all the same, boys or girls; at least daughters tend to be more filial to their parents.”
He seemed to be psyching himself up but then shook his head. “Don’t come home for New Year, it’s just too embarrassing.”
“I don’t want to go back anyway…” Lin Nan kept her head down, avoiding his eyes.
