198. Dad
The atmosphere in the house was much better than Lin Nan had imagined.
Even though Dad spouted embarrassing lines about not going to pay New Year visits, he at least looked surprisingly calm. Maybe during her stint at school, someone had sat him down and given him a good talking-to.
But she still felt uneasy and scared around her dad. The atmosphere was serious, as if the air had solidified around her, stretching time to a crawl.
And, to be honest, it was pretty embarrassing…
Not only did Dad think her transitioning into a girl was something to be embarrassed about, but she felt it too. Just hearing it out loud made her heart sting a little.
“Where’s Mom?” Lin Nan suddenly asked.
“At your grandfather’s,” Dad answered flatly, his expression not giving away much, “the divorce went smoothly, but she took half of the house that was meant for you.”
Lin Nan couldn’t care less about Dad’s house. If this had been the old her, she’d have been jumping for joy at the thought of not needing to buy a house for marriage, as that would take a lot of pressure off her shoulders—no heavy mortgage hanging over her head.
“Fair’s fair…”
She muttered under her breath, stealing a glance at Dad’s face, but it seemed like there was no major change.
Back in the hospital, they had argued over the divorce, but now that it was finalized, Dad appeared to harbor little resentment toward Mom.
Suddenly, Dad spoke up, “What if I have another son…”
“Then let him have the house,” Lin Nan nodded thoughtfully, “I’m fine with that.”
Going by what Dad said, maybe he had already found a stepmother for Lin Nan.
Thinking of Uncle Liu next to that potential stepmother, and looking at Dad’s current attitude, Lin Nan suspected these two might have strayed in their marriage, causing all sorts of drama, only to blame each other for the fallout, leading to their endless bickering during the divorce.
Still, Lin Nan hoped her parents could both rebuild their families, and that as the weird child magically turned into a girl, she’d be totally ignored by them.
The couch was less than inviting, as an atmosphere of low pressure always hung around Dad, making her deeply uneasy.
“I’m going to my room.”
“I don’t like cats. Get rid of it when you have the chance,” he suddenly said.
Lin Nan jumped at the unexpected voice, timidly responding, “Can I just keep it in my room and not let it out…?”
“Just don’t let me see it.”
She hurriedly picked up Cola and headed towards her room, fearing that if Dad got angry, he’d just flung her cat out the door.
Dad had done stuff like that before; in her middle school days, her puppy had been tossed out the window for peeing all over his room, and the poor thing had ended up splattered on the ground.
The memory was fresh and terrifying, increasing Lin Nan’s dread of her father.
Locking her bedroom door behind her felt like putting up a barricade against the chaos outside. Finally, she could breathe a little easier, the tension melting away into exhaustion.
Even if Dad’s reaction was better than she’d expected, handling him still drained her energy.
“Cola, just don’t make noise at home from now on…” Lin Nan let the cat out of the bag—well, the bag it’s in—and hugged it tightly as she crawled into bed, mumbling, “If you get thrown out, I’d feel even worse.”
“Does this mean I finally get a chance to… you know?”
Cola meowed back, seemingly agreeing to keep quiet. Lin Nan smiled, relieved; this cat had been a handful lately, but it had always been a good and quiet companion.
“If you behave this time, I won’t get you neutered, how about that?”
“Li Na isn’t around, so why not enjoy having a new body? Who cares about neutering!”
Cola seemed to try comforting Lin Nan, and she imagined all sorts of things, feeling touched and pulling the cat even tighter.
“Choking here…”
Cola wriggled free from Lin Nan’s embrace and hurried over to a makeshift wardrobe, gazing down on Lin Nan like it was judging her sanity.
This kid’s brain must be fried.
Lin Nan felt tired. She couldn’t quite connect with Dad; even the slightest noise from him in the living room would make her instinctively tense up.
She had no idea whether Dad accepted her or had just given up, hence why he might casually mention having another kid.
She peeled off her coat, collapsing onto the wooden bed.
Mom probably took the bedding when she left; now the bed was bare. Lin Nan had no inclination to traipse into Dad’s bedroom for blankets—definitely not wanting to engage with him right now.
Just lying there, her eyelids grew heavy and began to close uncontrollably.
She’d thought she’d be overwhelmingly resentful toward her father, but found herself feeling guilt more than anything after this visit.
She figured he hadn’t been completely irresponsible toward her; at least he had spent years working hard to provide. And here she was, suddenly a girl, feeling even less accountable than before.
Forget about being responsible; she wasn’t even a son anymore.
Lost in her thoughts, she jolted awake to find it was already seven in the evening.
Dad hadn’t called her for dinner, and Lin Nan felt like she hadn’t slept at all; her mind had been racing with random thoughts, yet when she finally opened her eyes, several hours had vanished.
Not hearing any sounds from Dad outside, she tiptoed to the door and realized one pair of shoes was missing from the shoe rack.
Looks like he went out for a drink?
She felt a wave of relief wash over her, stretching like a lazy cat, yawning as she made her way to the fridge, hoping to find something for dinner.
Most of it was beer, but after rummaging through, she found some sweet rice dumplings in the freezer.
They must have been leftovers from when Mom came over last time—frozen for at least two months.
Dad wasn’t one to do housework. While the place wasn’t a total mess due to the lack of stuff, there were sunflower seed shells and cigarette butts strewn about, likely untouched for ages. With the rice dumplings boiling away, she resolved to give the house a good clean.
Also, the internet seemed to be down; the phone bill was overdue too, indicating it was cut off. Lin Nan figured she better head to the service center tomorrow before the New Year rush to get it sorted.
But the problem was—no money…
Lin Nan was definitely not going to ask Dad for cash.
The house wasn’t big, yet sweeping, mopping, and dusting took her a good hour. By eight o’clock, Dad finally stumbled in, smelling like a brewery.
He was kind of like Lin Nan when drunk; he’d blurt out whatever crossed his mind, but he wasn’t the type to throw a drunken tantrum.
As soon as he got home, he plopped down on the couch, staring mindlessly at the dark TV screen and the spick and span room.
“You’d actually make a decent wife and mother one day.” He leaned back on the sofa and ordered Lin Nan, attempting to hide in the kitchen, “Go get me two bottles of beer from the fridge.”
The whole wife and mother thing struck Lin Nan as a bit harsh; Dad must’ve learned some unpleasant phrases somewhere, and the tone was super uncomfortable to hear.
