I am back – Chapter 101

Every time I have a conversation like this with my older sister, I feel a bit ticklish.

We’re not really dating yet. There are still many mountains to climb before we can call ourselves lovers.

I think I’m not confused, but at the same time, I wonder if this doesn’t make it different from being in a relationship.

My sister said she liked the past version of me. And now she’s seeing the current me through the lens of my past self.

Despite clearly looking different, she claims that my various appearances remind her of the ‘Cha Si-hyun’ from back then.

To her, I am still Cha Si-hyun, a ghost of the past.

But knowing my sister’s character, I’m confident she won’t abandon me. I asked her to see me for who I am, and she agreed. After some time, I believe she will properly accept me.

Maybe that’s why she’s approaching me so proactively.

If it were just guilt, she wouldn’t be cuddling me or holding my hand, let alone suggesting we go drink together.

If she could accept me “someday,” then I think it doesn’t matter if we go fast from here on out.

Looking at her joyfully checking her smartphone, I thought about it.

Her screen was displaying a movie theater app.

It’s not an area in Seoul known for particularly high land prices, nor does it have an extraordinarily high floating population, but there’s a movie theater not too far from here, so we decided to go there.

Hmm, actually saying “we decided” might be a bit misleading.

“Is this movie okay?”

The film my sister suggested was an action flick. Unfortunately, no romance movies had been released yet. Given the timing, it wouldn’t be weird for at least one to be out.

But considering the current season, even if it was playing, it might not be suitable. Typically, romance films that come out in autumn or winter often have the two leads not end up together, so I’m not sure if watching a breakup movie would be a good idea for us who aren’t even dating yet.

So, I just replied, “Sure.”

“And what time?”

My sister turned her smartphone toward me to show the time, which was about 30 minutes after we finished our work. It wouldn’t be too hard getting to the theater from here. Just one subway stop away, and even by bus, it wouldn’t take long to get there.

So, I simply answered, “Sure.”

“Okay, where should we sit? This movie seems pretty popular. A lot of seats are already filled. Um, is there any spot where we can sit together?”

I didn’t usually go to the movies often. I liked watching them, but I wouldn’t say I was a fanatic. So, I hadn’t really cared much about seating before.

But since it was with my sister, I hoped we could sit close together. In fact, I wouldn’t have minded at all as long as we were seated together.

So, I just replied, “Sure.”

“……”

My sister looked at me for a moment and then poked my forehead with her finger.

“Oh.”

As I blinked in surprise, she shot me a sideways glance.

“Are you listening?”

Oh.

I had been staring at her face so much that she probably thought I wasn’t paying attention.

“I heard everything.”

“Are you sure?”

It’s true I was only looking at her face, but I had heard everything. Which movie, when, and where we’d watch it.

When I repeated what she had just said, she blinked in surprise.

“Uh, um….”

She must have thought I wouldn’t remember.

After all, her smartphone was right in front of my line of sight, and I had been listening to her voice, so I had no reason to be confused.

“Ah, I see….”

My sister said, flushing slightly.

“……”

“……”

After our conversation drifted off, as I continued to gaze at her quietly, she squirmed a bit, her cheeks still flushed.

Her hands were still grasping the phone, so it was a bit awkward to reach over and hold them like I had this morning.

Instead, I took a step closer to her side.

It wasn’t particularly close enough for our shoulders to touch, but it was close enough that I could almost brush against her clothing.

“Sis.”

After a pause of silence, I called out to her.

Should I say she was bold? Or not?

When she sets her mind to it, she acts without a care. For example, when she took me to the columbarium on my birthday, or when she casually mentioned that she often held hands with Si-hyun outside… Unlike me, who was just terrified and didn’t want to do anything during those moments, she put in the effort to advance our relationship each time.

But strangely, there were times when she’d act incredibly shy.

It’s not that I disliked that—since she always seemed to be several steps ahead of me, I enjoyed seeing this side of her that I had never witnessed before.

They say sometimes when you get to know someone, you can feel disillusioned with them. But that wasn’t the case for me. Instead, getting to know this new side of my sister after such a long time made me feel even closer to her than before, and that made me happy.

“You mentioned before that you used to hold hands all the time.”

I spoke slowly and cautiously.

That must be a memory that held a sense of both sadness and discomfort for her as well.

“Uh-huh.”

Fortunately, she didn’t show too much aversion to it. Feeling a bit relaxed by that, I continued cautiously.

“Is there anything else we did together, besides that?”

My sister and I were pretty close.

Some might say we were like siblings, and considering how few siblings actually hold hands all the time, it could be argued that we were closer than the average sibling.

So, borrowing my older sister Yu-ri’s words, “It’s strange that the two of us aren’t dating.”

Back then, my face turned red and I couldn’t say a word, but now looking back, I wonder why I couldn’t take that one extra step.

…Well, to be fair, what we did together was mostly just holding hands and occasionally linking arms.

If people thought we seemed like a couple because of our high level of intimacy, that just meant we looked that close from the outside.

Yeah, I knew it. We liked each other, but we never told each other those feelings, which is why our displays of affection never went beyond what college friends might experience.

But even so—

The only one who knew ‘that fact’ was my sister.

I don’t know how close the past me and my sister were. To be precise, I should say I’m not supposed to know. After all, I’m the Cha Si-hyun who is one year younger, not the previous Cha Si-hyun.

My sister may see me overlapping with the past me, but she doesn’t think of me as that past version.

So if my sister is ‘deceiving’ me, then we can easily become more than just that.

…And that could mean I’ve advanced further than the past me.

I know that this is a cowardly way to approach it.

It wouldn’t be something a former hero would usually do.

But… still. Even if it means playing a bit of a coward’s game, I want to move forward.

“We….”

My sister hesitated slightly.

Since these were things we hadn’t done, we could still do them together. Clearly, she must want to.

I feel the same as she does. If she wanted to kiss me, then I wanted to kiss her too. If she wanted to date me, then I wanted to date her. If she confessed to me, I would have accepted on the spot and thought deeper about it afterward.

“W-well, occasionally.”

My sister stammered a bit.

“We would hug each other too.”

…That wasn’t a lie.

We did hug each other.

But not often. We didn’t hug like lovers do casually and share warmth everywhere, or kiss lightly like that; it wasn’t like that at all.

It was something we would do on special occasions, a warm hug like one shared between a family celebrating a good day.

Her words may skip over various explanations, but they weren’t entirely false.

“……”

But I was happy.

I slowly raised my hand and gently placed it on my sister’s back. She shivered slightly.

My sister’s waist felt slim.

I gradually tightened my grip, bringing our bodies closer together.

My sister leaned against me as she held her smartphone.

It seemed a bit different from an actual embrace.

“Is this okay?”

When I asked softly, my sister paused for a while.

Then she said, “A little,”

Quietly, she added, “A bit tighter.”