I am back – Chapter 104

What did my older sister think when she saw a folding knife drop from my bag?

It wasn’t just the knife. I could carry water or a calorie bar around too. But if there was a lighter, well, that’s another story.

Usually, people who carry lighters are smokers. Honestly, aside from that, there aren’t many situations where you’d need to use fire directly. Even if we’re going camping, I’d rather bring a portable gas stove than carry a lighter.

Though there weren’t any cigarettes in my bag, I did have a lighter and a folding knife.

What did my older sister think seeing that?

Of course, it’s not odd for an adult to smoke. Some might consider it bad, but as long as they keep their manners and don’t puff away anywhere, who’s going to complain?

I don’t have any tattoos, but these days, the stigma around them has lessened a lot. Of course, there are still plenty of folks who don’t like them.

But a knife? That’s a different story.

Regardless, someone who carries a knife in their bag is likely to be seen as a bit strange. Or maybe they just have a twisted mentality… Just like it’s not normal to casually carry a gun in America, the same goes for a knife unless you’re in a job that requires it.

Moreover, in my case, the suggestion that I have some mental issues wasn’t entirely off the mark. It’s just problematic that I have no way to explain that.

How could I possibly say that I can’t go outside without even a little knife to fend off my anxiety? How could I say it’s because I fought the Demon King?

“I’m s-sorry…”

Young Miss Ga-young’s voice trembled as she apologized again.

Was my face that stiff while I was putting everything back in my bag? If so, I probably scared her. It seemed like she thought I was mad because I dropped my bag.

Actually, it was wrong for me to carry something that could be misunderstood in the first place. If I’d just told my sister beforehand, I wouldn’t have felt so uneasy now.

“It’s okay, mistakes happen,” I said, forcing a smile.

After that, Young Miss Ga-young seemed a bit relieved. Though she didn’t look completely at ease. No matter how much I tried to smile, it wasn’t a totally natural one since it was forced.

As I picked up my bag and stood up, Young Miss Ga-young also stood up.

“Nothing’s broken. It’s really fine,” I reassured her again.

I tried to smile once more. This time, her face seemed to soften a bit. After seeing the smile I managed to pull off on my second try, she let out a small sigh.

“I’ll be more careful next time…”

Seeing Young Miss Ga-young bow her head like that made me chuckle bitterly.

Come to think of it, she wasn’t even a young adult yet; she was a minor. It’d be completely normal for her not to have experience handling stuff correctly.

When I started working, I got quite the earful in many ways. Especially since I was in a job that dealt with dangerous items, where you could easily lose your life just by letting your guard down, let alone wielding a weapon in hand.

Moreover, my sword wasn’t just my life on the line, it also involved the lives of my comrades and the outcome of the war.

Kalia, who taught me, used to scold me harshly every time I made a mistake. But I knew she wasn’t doing it because she hated me; she always apologized after our sparring sessions.

However, this wasn’t a battlefield where lives were at stake. Just dropping a bag shouldn’t warrant such a severe reprimand.

“No, really, it’s fine. You don’t need to apologize anymore.”

So I told Young Miss Ga-young that once again.

…Honestly, to think I feel competitive with someone like her, I must still have some growing up to do. But then again, being in my twenties, it’s not that surprising.

It was kind of funny to think of myself like that.

*

Though it wasn’t such a big mistake, maybe the very fact I made it made Young Miss Ga-young slightly embarrassed, as she hurried out of the shop again after saying she was sorry.

She probably felt a bit more ashamed about messing up after coming out on a Sunday to help.

Seeing her apologize to Siyun made me wonder if I should step in, but Siyun’s face was more rigid than I expected, so I didn’t want to butt in unnecessarily.

…Did Siyun also think that the stuff in the bag wasn’t ordinary?

The knife that had come out of Siyun’s bag… was in my pocket.

It wasn’t a particularly large knife. I wasn’t sure, but even if the folded blade aligned perfectly with the handle, it seemed shorter than my finger.

If you just consider the blade’s length, it’d be much shorter than a typical utility knife.

So, I guess it might be odd to be surprised by such a small knife.

Odd, perhaps, but…

Why was I so bothered?

Would I have reacted this way if a utility knife or scissors had come out of Siyun’s bag? Was my unease due to the fact that it was a folding knife?

Furthermore, I was walking beside Siyun, having missed the timing to return the knife.

“…”

Siyun didn’t say a word about the knife. Even though she was clearly watching me pick it up and put it in my pocket.

If Siyun had asked first, I would have returned the knife as naturally as possible.

Is it possible that Siyun’s mind was just as chaotic as mine?

…If it’s chaotic, there’s only one reason for it.

I stupidly glanced down at my pants again. The outline of the knife bulging out of my pocket was quite the statement.

Why?

Why carry something like this?

If it had come from a hiking bag, or even just from a backpack, I would have understood it a bit better.

Moreover, that bag contained water and food. It wasn’t just some snack like gum or candy but a calorie bar that could fill an urgent empty stomach. Of course, you could eat it as a snack, but thinking of it along with the lighter and knife, I didn’t think it’d just be put there casually.

Would it be weird to recall that ‘bad person’ Siyun talked about last time? Am I overthinking it?

Siyun said she dealt with that ‘bad person’ together with her friends.

In what way did she ‘deal’ with them?

The more I focused on the knife in my pocket, the more my thoughts veered into strange directions. The mix of the bad person and the feelings I had when I first saw Siyun and her friends kept rolling into bizarre scenarios.

“Uh, Siyun.”

“Yes?”

As I called out to Siyun, she replied immediately.

I glanced around.

There were quite a few people, but none seemed to pay us any mind. In fact, with so many people around, it felt like it might be alright.

I quickly reached into my pocket and grabbed the knife. It wasn’t particularly large, but even folded, the part sticking out touched my hand and gave me a chilly feeling.

I pulled out the knife and slipped it into Siyun’s bag.

Phew.

I let out a little sigh.

It might seem silly to be tense over something trivial, but at least I could take a breath now.

“…Thank you.”

Siyun said quietly.

It was hard to guess whether she was referring to returning the knife or thanking me for hiding it from Young Miss Ga-young earlier.

Maybe it was a response to both.

“…”

I wanted to reply somehow.

But I feared that if I spoke up carelessly, it might dig up Siyun’s wounds.

Since I didn’t know where they were, I couldn’t just ask about it easily, and that made me hesitate.

And because of that, I felt it intensely.

Siyun is…

I see.

Siyun isn’t the Siyun I remember.

She’s a different person.

That’s only natural. Since her gender and age are already different, it’s tough to find similarities just by standing still. Even if I forcefully pointed out some resemblance, it’d just be that we’re both people.

The reason I saw my past Siyun within her was because of her habits, actions, and expressions.

She’s different. A different person.

But still, deep down, that sense of affection hasn’t faded away.

I feel guilty about that. Even though I have feelings for Siyun, I still harbor some similar feelings for her.

In a way, that could be seen as a desire. For both Siyun and the past Siyun.

But at the same time—

—A little bit of hope started to shine through.

I realized I could truly love Siyun as Siyun. That thought made me a little happy.