I am back – Chapter 105

I decided not to ask anything.

I couldn’t help but wonder why Siyun had that thing, and if he had been carrying it all along.

What kind of past could possibly make him carry such an item around?

It’s not that I wasn’t curious.

In fact, I was extremely curious. Our relationship was still ambiguous, and it would probably take a much longer time for us to share everything with each other. Perhaps that day might never come.

There was a lot to overcome. It wasn’t just a surface-level relationship; I needed to truly confront the past for our bond to be whole.

Honestly, even I found these thoughts a bit strange.

Only a few months ago, I couldn’t forget about Siyun at all.

I never considered my looks to stand out from others. But I was aware that there were people who found me attractive.

Over the past few years, there had been guys who tried to strike up conversations with me, showing hints of liking me, sharing their contact info or trying to get mine.

I rejected all of them.

And all those memories were tied to my feelings for Siyun.

So why did my heart shift so rapidly after meeting him?

How was I able to hang out with him so impulsively?

I hadn’t forgotten the Siyun in my memory. If I had, I wouldn’t have seen him when I looked at him.

But it wasn’t that I felt any sexual attraction towards him. Sure, there are people who date without caring about gender, but I’ve never considered myself among them.

“Older Sister.”

While I was lost in thought, Siyun spoke up.

The movie theater was less crowded than I imagined. It made sense, really. Watching a movie at this hour would mean it was almost time to leave. Plus, today was Sunday, so it wasn’t a great time for those who had to work tomorrow.

Although I had blurted out that we should go to the movies without wanting to waste next Wednesday, I now realized it was fair for Siyun to have some complaints.

“It’s the original, so it’s okay, right?”

“Huh?”

I blinked at his words.

Then Siyun raised a tub of popcorn. It was quite large. Theater popcorn tends to be pretty expensive.

He skillfully carried the tub in one arm while holding a glass of cola in each hand. It seemed he had bought those while I was out in thought before entering the theater.

“Oh, sorry. I should have said something first…”

As he said this, he took his smartphone out of his pocket. It felt a bit awkward to be treated by Siyun, who was four years younger than me.

…Well, considering the neighborhood where Siyun lived, it might not have been a big deal for him.

Still… given that I was superimposing my first love onto him, it didn’t feel right. It wasn’t just about age. I remembered him. The Siyun who lived with his mom in that semi-basement. The same Siyun who had vowed to enter a good university and get a good job to pamper his mom.

In retrospect, I realized Siyun hadn’t shared much about his dreams. He didn’t say he wanted to be a rich person; it seemed like his goal was more about rising from his reality, likely due to having grown up seeing his mom suffer during childhood.

And perhaps I was included in that, too.

What I could offer him was really nothing, yet it felt like Siyun cherished it.

I couldn’t say I’d help him much, but I was earning money, which allowed me to treat him occasionally.

Siyun remembered all of that. Whenever I tried to do something nice for him, he’d apologize, saying, “You’ve done this before…”

“No, it’s fine.”

I hadn’t even said anything yet; I just pulled out my smartphone, but it seemed he had already guessed what I was about to do.

“Yeah?”

“This movie is thanks to you, Older Sister. I didn’t pay a single penny, so I should at least buy something to eat.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t pay either.”

The ticket wasn’t bought with my money; Yoori had given it to me as a gift. It was this morning, and Siyun had seen that, so he couldn’t possibly not know.

“But it was your ticket, and you bought it for me.”

“……”

It’s nothing special.

Whenever Siyun would show a slightly anxious expression after receiving a gift, I would say that.

Really, it was something special. I had bought it because I could, and I was mindful of my savings when I did. But if I had had a few more thousand won to spare, I would have felt more at ease. So, purely from a financial perspective, I could say it was ‘nothing special.’

But, I did it because I wanted to.

I liked seeing Siyun happy when he received a gift. I liked it when he expressed his thanks.

I loved watching him blush in embarrassment while smiling brightly.

For that moment, I felt like I had become a much bigger person than Siyun. It felt good to truly be an adult.

…Perhaps I was expecting something. The words Siyun had said about how one day he would buy me a gift, maybe after he grew up, might just come true.

“Here you go.”

Siyun handed me the cola. It was a large paper cup. When I took it, my hand got wet. The cup was filled with ice, so water must have been dripping from the outside.

That chill reminded me that I wasn’t dreaming.

Slowly, my dazed mind returned to reality. I could hear the movie theater music, and the previews playing on the TV above the ticket booth.

There weren’t many people, but it wasn’t completely empty either, as I could hear the soft murmur of conversations around me.

I saw Siyun smiling.

He was holding the drink in his right hand and a gigantic tub of popcorn under his left arm. His face was beaming.

Just a little earlier, before we arrived, his face had been filled with concern. I suppose that was because he didn’t know how I would react to seeing that retractable knife.

After I put the knife back in his bag without asking any questions, he seemed completely at ease.

“Thanks.”

“No, it’s nothing special.”

At my words, Siyun shook his head.

“I’ve received so much from you… so please just think of this as me paying you back little by little.”

“……”

That sounded like something from the past.

“I’ll help you enter the first hall!”

While I was hesitating about what to say, a staff member at the theater shouted that out.

Siyun turned to look.

Looks like it’s time to stand up.

I got up and stood next to Siyun.

Siyun was a bit taller than me now, though he wasn’t quite the same Siyun I once knew.

Though he didn’t resemble the person from my past at all, strangely, he reminded me of those memories. Since meeting Siyun, I had been feeling like the five years that had passed since then were woven together without interruption.

I knew that Siyun’s past was different from the one I knew, and I also understood that the reason Siyun liked me couldn’t possibly be related to that past.

Siyun was Siyun.

I was determined to love him wholly as him. I was resolved to break free from those past ties.

But—

“Older Sister, shall we go?”

Siyun said that while looking at me.

His expression seemed so joyful to be with me that he didn’t know what to do.

Indeed, it was a face that reminded me of Siyun.

I believed there would come a day when it could be like that.

But still, the connection between Siyun and me was rooted in those memories of the past.

It was all thanks to those precious memories that I never wanted to forget.

So,

“Yeah, let’s go.”

I wanted to not only forget but also embrace the present slowly, taking a little more time.

The reason I started to have feelings for Siyun wasn’t merely because he was charming or because I could develop feelings for girls.

After meeting him, my time that had stopped for five years began to flow again.

…Yeah, now I see it clearly.

The time spent laughing, walking, working, and talking together was so delightful.

It felt like I was slowly paying back what I had received from Siyun.

So, that was why I wanted to stay by his side.

To ensure that we could continue this connection from the present to the future.