I am back – Chapter 118

“Is that so…”

Unfortunately, the explanation I gave to my older sister, who had finally gathered the courage to ask, wasn’t very good.

Even if they barely remembered their hometown, losing their homeland, and thus their country, was a sad matter. They weren’t raised as Koreans, but holding onto names similar to their hometown under their parents’ influence also showed an effort not to forget their country.

At the same time, I was trying hard, as Kalia had said, to ‘face reality.’

Digging deeper might only be reopening old wounds.

It’s not that we have no wounds. Of course, they aren’t the same as the wounds Kalia described. Strictly speaking, they’re entirely different wounds.

But even if parts of the story are true, keeping secrets from my older sister felt a bit wrong to my conscience.

I know that even if I say it directly, there’s a high chance she won’t believe me. That’s why I still can’t explain it openly.

“But still…”

And it seemed Kalia didn’t like just keeping it hidden anymore.

“Still, I can tell you about Siyun. We’ve spent time together.”

“Really?”

With Kalia’s words, my sister’s expression brightened immediately.

“Yes, we’ll tell you as much as we can!”

Pia said in a lively voice.

Dana and Arna nodded in agreement.

“…”

Hmm. So, are they saying they’re going to talk about my past right in front of me?

They’re going to see me through the eyes of another person?

Somehow, I had a bad feeling about this.

*

And that feeling turned out to be spot on.

Even if it’s about my past, I don’t remember everything.

But that doesn’t mean I completely forgot what happened in the past. Stories buried deep in my memory, when others start recalling them one by one, tend to resurface little by little.

“Siyun…”

Did he really cry? That thought didn’t come out. Rather, my sister’s face showed an expression of ‘that makes sense,’ which made me feel even more embarrassed.

When I first drank alcohol, I reacted more strongly than when I had coffee. I had pushed it away with a huge shudder, only to find out later that it was a very childish reaction.

The taste of the first drink was something I had never even imagined.

It wasn’t like my first drink was something low in alcohol like beer; it was distilled liquor.

It wasn’t just that it was bitter, but the other flavors mixed in with that bitterness were what I couldn’t stand. I did adapt to it after continuing to drink, though.

And after hearing that story, my sister nodded seriously.

“Siyun isn’t someone who can drink that.”

“…”

But actually hearing my sister say that made me feel a bit differently from just being embarrassed.

How should I put it? It felt like it was something said by someone who has known me for a long time. Not by the sister who just met me three months ago, but by the sister who had known me since childhood.

“That’s right. Siyun was like that.”

“Yeah. That makes sense.”

“Really? Siyun?”

Sometimes looking at me with a smile, my sister seemed… Of course, this might just be my misunderstanding, but it felt like she remembered me.

…Calm down. It’s only natural for her to say that. Because in the end, I’m still me. My appearance has changed, but the essence hasn’t. There might be some habits that have developed or fallen away over time, and my attitudes might change a bit, but my likes and dislikes, my habits, cannot be completely altered.

And the fact that I bear almost the same disposition and habits as my past self must have been deeply felt by my sister over the past three months of looking at me.

But…

As I spent time sitting next to my sister, I gradually got drawn into her reactions.

Is this also a consideration from my companions? As the story matured, the ‘Siyun’ that my companions and sister spoke of felt like a story of my past rather than my present self.

Of course, my sister didn’t directly talk about my past; she was just listening and chiming in.

I had come back.

The place I am now isn’t the neighborhood I lived in before going to Irrelaysia. The land and the value of the buildings here were so expensive that a comparison was almost impossible.

It was situated much higher and was a much larger house than the one I used to live in.

But still.

Listening to my sister and companions, I finally felt that I had ‘come back.’

There was still a long way to go. I still hadn’t properly met Mom to introduce myself. I hadn’t even properly caught up with my sister.

Yet, I still felt this glimmer of hope.

I felt like someday, things would turn out well.

Hearing my sister and companions’ laughter, I found myself laughing along without even realizing it.

I hadn’t been paying attention to what they were saying because I was lost in my thoughts.

*

“They’re good people, all of them.”

After eating and drinking until late at night, we decided to get ready for bed soon.

My sister just decided to sleep here and go to work with me in the morning. I mean, it was too late to go back now. The last bus hadn’t ended yet, but if I let my sister go like this, I felt it wouldn’t sit well with me.

“Yes, they’re good people.”

My sister chuckled at my words.

We brought a huge amount of alcohol, but this time I didn’t drink enough to get drunk. Maybe because I sipped it slowly over a long time, my sister was able to chat with everyone without any problems until the end.

“Yeah, but—”

My sister seemed like she was about to say something but suddenly shut her mouth.

“What?”

“Ah, no, never mind.”

My sister shook her head and laughed awkwardly.

Did I do something wrong?

I felt a bit uneasy for a moment, but my sister’s laughter had already turned into a natural one.

“Would you like to wash up first?”

“Ah.”

When my sister said that, my brain froze for a moment, enough to make the conversation we were having fly out of my head.

Of course, my sister was supposed to sleep in my room. When I said I would sleep on the living room sofa, she frowned and told me not to. How could a guest kick out the host?

And we both argued that being the same gender meant sharing a room for a day wouldn’t be a problem.

…I thought there was something off about that argument. Both my companions were watching us with extremely ticklish expressions.

Moreover, both my sister and I knew that we had ‘romantic’ feelings for each other. Still, to make that argument—

—It doesn’t really mean that.

Anyway, with a potion of courage—commonly known as alcohol—my sister’s attitude was incredibly firm. She acted as if she wouldn’t back down at all, so in the end, I had no choice but to take a step back.

“Ah, no, you wash up first, sis.”

When I said that, my sister nodded.

“Then, I’ll wash up first.”

Surely before we drank, my sister had been a bit timid and thoughtful, but now she looked relaxed to the point of being outright bold.

Having answered so refreshingly, my sister went straight into the shower room.

Soon, I heard the sound of clothes brushing against skin. I could hear something falling to the floor. The shower room separated from the room and living room by just a thin door.

“…”

I diligently made an effort not to pay attention to that sound.

*

Yeah, everyone living with Siyun was a good person. So much so that I didn’t need to worry about Siyun.

But… I was certain that something was being hidden.

Whether that something was negative or positive for Siyun, whether he was aware of it or not, I didn’t know.

Although Siyun and his friends had known each other for a long time… The stories they talked about Siyun’s past were limited to recent years.

Still, I felt like a few mysteries… might get solved.

A country that vanished in a civil war. I hadn’t heard its name, but if those escaping such a place were here, and Siyun was one of them… It was strange for someone in that situation to have such a house, but that’s not the point.

Maybe I could explain why Siyun carries a sword in his bag and why he has emergency supplies and water.

And thinking about the stories of ‘bad people’ along with that—

“…Phew.”

My heart raced uncomfortably.

Even though I felt like I was getting closer to the truth, I still couldn’t shake this uneasy feeling about getting any closer.

As the warm water poured from the showerhead, I thought.

…Should I ask today?

What if I accidentally touch on a trauma from the past and cause a problem?

Feeling my body slowly getting wet from above, I still couldn’t decide what to do.