I am back – Chapter 125

My face was burning.

It felt like I was being praised for something I didn’t even do.

But to be fair, that’s true. The one who saved Arna’s world was Siyun, not me.

If Siyun remembered my actions and replicated them, it’s not really because of me, but simply because Siyun’s nature shone through.

I’ve never risked my life for anyone, nor have I made any significant sacrifices. Siyun has done something much greater than what I did.

“But… I didn’t do anything.”

That’s all I could manage to say, but Arna didn’t wipe the smile off her face.

“Siyun said the same thing.”

“…”

Hearing that left me speechless.

But even in my silence, it seemed Arna sensed that I still didn’t agree, so she shrugged her shoulders and continued speaking.

“I heard you go volunteer every month. It’s not something anyone forced you to do, nor is it a must, yet you keep at it. Doesn’t that mean you’re a good person?”

“Well…”

My already red face couldn’t get any redder, but that kind of compliment clearly didn’t help cool it down. I felt like I was redder than after drinking earlier. When I cupped my cheek with my hand, it genuinely felt hot. If I were in a hospital, people would think I was seriously ill.

Even though my heart was racing so violently, I guess it also meant I was healthy.

“It’s not so much that I’m a good person, it’s just…”

Arna seemed interested in how I was trying to explain myself. I felt increasingly pathetic as I spoke, but stopping in the middle felt off, so I decided to keep going.

“It’s just that when I do those things, I feel a bit like I’m being a good person. Like I’m a better person… And the reason I started helping with volunteer activities wasn’t entirely for my sake, but because I started to help the Pastor who helped me.”

“…”

After staring at me for a while, Arna let out a small laugh.

“I take pride in having seen quite a variety of people while wandering around the human kingdom. I haven’t met every single human, but I have seen enough to be considered a decent sample. And I felt a commonality among those humans.”

“Commonality?”

“Yeah.”

Arna spoke with a gaze that looked slightly distant.

“Generally, evil people don’t realize they’re evil. Even if they do, they rationalize it with all sorts of excuses. They say others do the same, or that it’s natural for the strong to survive, justifying their actions as right. Sometimes they even fool themselves into thinking it’s good.”

Arna paused to take a sip of water.

Then she exhaled softly and asked,

“Do you know how good people are?”

“…How are they?”

Arna shrugged her shoulders and said,

“They were the same.”

“They were the same?”

“They think the same way as evil people.”

When I looked at Arna with a bewildered expression, she chuckled softly and continued.

“Good people don’t realize they’re good. Even when they do, they rationalize it with all kinds of reasons. They think it’s just normal, that what they do is simply ordinary, and that it’s natural for people to help each other; so they don’t deserve any praise. They sometimes deceive themselves into thinking what they do isn’t good.”

Her eyes, which had been fixed on the emptiness, slowly came back down.

“Even while fighting against evil on the front lines, they might blame themselves for not saving people in time, or they might break down sobbing when they see the bodies left behind after pushing back the Demon King’s army. They continually train but still lament their lack of strength, or regret not being able to offer more help.”

Arna stared quietly at me. Her blue eyes, which could seem cold at first glance, were warm. So much so that it made me forget that it was a rather chilly season right now.

“If it were elves, they wouldn’t have acted that way. They’d boast about their achievements and think it’s natural to be praised. And indeed, saving many people is a good deed. Healing someone who’s hurt without expecting anything in return, or rescuing those who are suffering, is worthy of praise, regardless of the attitude of the person performing that virtuous act.”

Arna let out a small sigh. It felt like she was either taking a long breath or sighing deeply.

“Being a good person isn’t about feeling like one; it’s just being one. It’s rare for someone who does volunteer work to need to do it to feel like a good person. Regardless of the reason, anyone who does good for others is simply a good person. There’s no need to belittle yourself.”

“…”

With Arna’s emphatic words, I found myself at a loss for words.

“…”

“…”

We sat in silence for a while.


Arna turned her head back to the front, and I still couldn’t look at her directly since my face was still burning.

As the silence lingered on, I started to think about whether it was time to go to bed when Arna opened her mouth.

“And there’s another person in this house who feels guilty all by themselves.”

“Eh?”

I was lost in my thoughts, so I didn’t catch what she said and asked her to repeat it. Arna didn’t seem to care about my reaction and continued talking.

“…Siyun.”

“…”

I closed my mouth at Arna’s words.


The bright smile on her face just moments ago darkened in an instant.

Is something happening to Siyun?

“Maybe Siyun didn’t tell you…”

Unlike her earlier firm tone, Arna spoke slowly, her expression showing hesitation.


Arna, who had been glancing at me, said,

“…I’d like you to keep it a secret from Siyun.”

She made that request.

“Okay.”

Arna’s serious demeanor made me nod and answer definitively.

“…”

Even after I answered, Arna hesitated for a moment, then opened her mouth as if she had made a decision.

“The old texts describe the battlefield as a glorious place. It’s where heroes sacrifice their lives for justice and peace, suggesting that if one goes there, they too can become such a hero, framed in a very romantic way.”

…But I knew well that the battlefield wasn’t like that. Even someone who had never been to war could figure that out with just a little online searching, where all sorts of horrific images pop up.

No, even aside from the battlefield, just looking at the serious crimes happening in this country is horrifying. It’s clear that horrifying incidents happen and are buried in the war-torn areas where there’s practically no security.

“From my experience, that’s not true. The goal may be glorious. The fight might be for justice, and it might be true that we needed to fight in that place for the world. But just because the goal is just doesn’t mean that the battlefield isn’t terrifying.”

“…”

Somehow, I felt like I understood what Arna was getting at.

“When you’re fighting at the forefront of such places… no matter how strong you are, you’re bound to get hurt. It’s not just wounds from swords, spears, or arrows, but also wounds you can’t see from the outside.”

Arna tapped her finger against her head.

“Here, too,”

And then, she lowered her hand to her chest and spoke.

“You’ll also get hurt here. Even those who enjoy killing and have a cruel nature will break in a battlefield. How much more so if they’re someone with kind, righteous character. And Siyun is…”

“…”

I bit my lip.

“…someone who was so gentle and righteous that it’s strange if they don’t get hurt.”

Arna spoke with a troubled tone.

“Even after Siyun changed bodies and returned to this world, they still sometimes can’t sleep at night. It must be because of memories from the battlefield. Sudden waves of fear wash over them for no reason, and they remain vigilant, aware of nonexistent enemies around them.”

“Siyun?”

When I asked in surprise, Arna nodded.

“The pattern of when they wake up is irregular… or so Siyun said, but after getting to know them here, I kept observing. And I could draw one conclusion.”

Arna started fidgeting with the now empty glass as she spoke.

“The intervals at which Siyun wakes up are similar to the patterns they used to monitor during their time on the battlefield.”

Arna turned her gaze to me. Her eyes were hiding emotions. Although her face was expressionless, she couldn’t entirely conceal the sadness underneath.

“It’s as if Siyun hasn’t completely escaped from that battlefield yet.”