I am back – Chapter 195

It really was a peaceful day, to the point that I was wondering if it was even okay.

In fact, I thought it might be fine to just leave it as it was; the nobles weren’t bothering me, and there was no need to fight anymore. I didn’t have to worry about anything at all…

Ah, of course, it’s not that I had no worries; I had merely pushed them aside.

When I return to the original world, will Ga-young really come to work part-time? Even though my older sister accepted my apology, would she really want to see my face again?

Could I tell my mom or Older Sister Yu-ri about my true identity? If I do, how should I persuade them? Even if I convince them, will they believe me? Will I be able to receive the blessings of my friends if I marry my older sister?

Even if I have a child with her, how would I legally recognize the child as “ours”? No matter what we think, won’t the child be heavily influenced by the gazes of those around us? Wouldn’t they feel embarrassed? Wouldn’t they think it’s strange?

Once I start worrying, one worry leads to another, and new worries keep piling up, over and over again. Even if I want to push them back, I’m eventually going to end up worrying again.

That’s why, as the date I had decided to return got closer, my expression couldn’t help but grow darker.

“Are you scared?”

“Uh?”

“Are you scared to go back?”

“……”

One day, I spent the whole time holed up in my room without seeing anyone. Honestly, I liked days like that. Usually, either my sister or mom would be nearby, but there were occasions where I was left entirely alone in that basement house.

A few times I felt lonely, but other times I felt at peace. Having time to just daydream without anyone talking to me wasn’t such a bad time after all.

Sometimes I would take the bus or subway. In moments when nobody spoke to me, I would sit back and stare vacantly into space. During those moments of various daydreams, I didn’t have to worry about the future.

How long would mom have to keep working for me? If I worked hard, could I provide a comfortable life for her? Could we save enough money to move to a better house?

If I confessed to my sister, would she accept me? If she did, how long could we date? Would I get to marry my sister? If I marry her, could I build a happy family?

Of course, even during those moments when I wasn’t thinking about anything, just a momentary lapse in focus sent me spiraling back into worry.

“Should I just be honest?”

“Yeah. Please be honest.”

My sister, lying next to me, said that.

I turned onto my side to face her. She was already looking at me.

Neither of us was wearing anything. Ever since that day, we had grown comfortable being naked in front of each other. Of course, that doesn’t mean we were doing it at any old time. Let’s just say it was a matter of being more relaxed with one another.

It was the same that day. We were both undressed and under the same blanket, but my sister and I didn’t really intertwine our bodies.

“To be honest, I’m scared.”

This was a fear of a different kind than when we were fighting.

Back then… if I said I wasn’t afraid of death, that would be a lie. But after coming to understand the existence of an afterlife, my fear of death diminished quite a bit. I still didn’t think of death as the ultimate refuge, and I felt happy to be alive and meeting others.

However, I was far more afraid of losing my comrades than I was of dying myself.

The thought of someone I had come to consider a friend dying in my place filled me with dread. I felt numb when I heard that I had to survive, but if my comrades died, they could be replaced.

But… that kind of fear was a different kind of fear altogether.

There is an afterlife. There’s a way to come back to life after dying. Even if, by some slim chance, I lost a comrade, if the bond with that comrade hadn’t been completely severed, perhaps one day in the afterlife, we could meet again and mend our relationship.

However… breaking a relationship is a whole different story.

Many relationships, once broken, rarely heal. If life ends in that broken state, I wonder what happens afterward.

Will we be able to understand each other once again in the afterlife?

Will Older Sister Yu-ri and Mom… or anyone else?

Will they understand me again?

Thinking about that made me want to just run away and hide. Here, at least in my heart, I felt at peace. I could live without any thoughts because I had comrades, and there were people who revered me as a hero. So as long as I stayed here, I was safe in many ways.

“But even so, you still think about having to go back, right?”

“…… Yeah.”

I nodded at my sister’s words. The soft pillow under my neck cushioned my movements.

Just avoiding things because I’m scared won’t solve anything.

Even if I chose to live my life in this world forever, I would still eventually meet Mom in the afterlife.

If Mom asked me, what would I say in response?

If she asked, “What was the reason for avoiding me when you could have come to see me?”, I wouldn’t know what to say.

Yeah. If death isn’t the end, it means there’s nothing to be gained by putting things off.

“……”

My sister silently held my hand tightly.

It wasn’t cold in the blanket. This world didn’t seem to have a winter in any case. Of course, I hadn’t been to any other regions.

But even warmer than the blanket was my sister’s hand.

“No matter what the outcome is, I will be by your side. I will support you until the end. No matter how much Mom might not believe in us, I will be right there fighting alongside you.”

“…… Yeah.”

I nodded again at my sister’s words.

Listening to my sister didn’t lessen my fear. No matter how much encouragement you give someone before an important exam, it doesn’t really help them relax knowing that this exam is just a step in their lifelong journey.

But at least, I felt that I wasn’t alone.

While I was still tense, there was a glimmer of hope that even if I failed, my life would still continue. My sister was the proof that I had survived.

Yeah. If my sister walks with me, I can’t ruin her life.

There was no answer but to move forward, putting in all my effort and doing my best.

“Thank you.”

“Thanking me, huh?”

Upon my words, my sister smiled brightly.

Her face was incredibly beautiful.

It always was.

*

“……”

“……”

I knew well that we weren’t saying goodbye forever. Whether I opened the door to come back here or whether someone came to find me, there were countless ways to reunite.

But even so, knowing that we were really parting ways after spending a few months together—ah, no, it wasn’t just that.

Knowing that I was about to genuinely separate from comrades with whom I had put my life on the line for five years, we couldn’t connect our words.

For five years, we had been one ‘party.’ We had been ‘one unit.’ We had fought together, cried together, and shared our lives together.

But that time was over.

We were no longer one unit. We were dear friends, and we would probably smile when we met again, always sharing stories of our memories.

But we no longer had a reason to be a ‘party.’ The goals had been reached.

The Saintess went to the church, the Mage back to the Magic Tower.

The Knight Commander with the Knights, the Elf back to the Elf Forest.

It was time for everyone to return to where they belonged.

There was still much for each of us to do.

Even if we continued to journey together for a few more years, in the end, we all had our own paths to take. The time we spent traveling together would feel like just a brief moment in the grand scheme of things.

And now it was my turn to go back.

“…… Take care.”

With great effort, I opened the door. My voice came out thick and muffled.

“Yeah.”

“Make sure to meet again. Should I come visit soon… or will you come? I’ll prepare everything.”

The next person to speak was Dana. Her eyes were moist with tears.

“Yeah.”

I answered once more.

“I’ll be waiting for the day you two visit us again.”

“Yeah.”

Also in response to Arna’s words.

“…… Do I really have to invite you to the wedding?”

“Yeah.”

Even Pia’s tearful words.

I couldn’t bring myself to give a response beyond that. I felt like if I opened my mouth, I’d just break down there and then.

“Then…”

At that moment, I felt like my throat was completely choked. With great effort, I squeezed the words out.

“Then, let’s see each other again.”

Everyone nodded their heads—

Pia moved.

Starting with Pia lunging and hugging me tightly, everyone quickly gathered around for one last embrace.

So tightly that I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

It was warm.

“……”

I stood there frozen for a while.

Over the shoulders of my friends, I saw my sister looking at me with tears brimming in her eyes.

*

Returning to the original world after traveling this one felt exceptionally bland.

When I turned around, the dimensional gate had already closed.

The study that had originally been Dana’s room was already filled with treasures. Even this was more than I could carry.

But… the presence I left behind was far too great.

“……”

My sister tightly embraced my arm.

For a long time, I felt her warmth.

Through a chance glance out the window, I noticed the snow pouring down.

And just like that, we returned once more.