I am back – Chapter 203

I tried to get closer to the word ‘daily life’ little by little.

I realized here that the ordinary daily life where nothing happens is a blessing. In fact, it partially has to do with the fact that neither my older sister nor I have a particularly wide social circle. Neither of us had plans to hang out separately, nor did we have anyone’s house to visit.

So maybe that’s why everyday life became so monotonous. After I became aware of that fact, I made an effort to adapt to my daily life in my own way.

I started watching videos on my smartphone, trying to read some books. I even attempted to read a classic novel that my sister recommended.

At first, I struggled to get used to things that seemed so foreign to me, but it didn’t take too long to realize how to spend my time… There were so many people dreaming of success on internet streaming sites, which meant there were videos on just about every imaginable topic.

And while I was staring blankly at those videos, I found myself developing a desire or two to try something.

When I watched gaming videos, I felt like I wanted to play that game, and when I saw introductions to dramas or movies, I wanted to watch those too. The same goes for comics and webtoons.

I spent some time browsing the sites and caught my eye on ads that popped up on the side.

Then, I discovered something I really wanted to do, no, something I had wanted to do.

On a weekend transitioning into Monday, the subway on my way back home after work wasn’t very crowded. It was well past the time when regular office workers would be finishing up.

Moreover, usually, many people commute from the north side of the Han River to the south, and return from the south to the north, so we had a more comfortable commute taking the reverse route.

As there were empty seats, I sat down and quietly spoke to my older sister sitting next to me.

“Sister.”

“Yeah?”

“I thought of something I want to do.”

“Really?”

My words made her smile brightly.

“What is it?”

“Well, it’s something I have been thinking about for a while.”

“Okay.”

“I want to go on a trip with Mom.”

“Ah….”

My sister’s expression slightly faltered after hearing my words, but then she slowly nodded as if she understood.

“I see. I think I’ve heard that from you before.”

“Yeah, I did.”

Back when I was little.

Actually, my sister was also little back then.

Neither of us really had much to do, so while waiting for Mom, we wandered around here and there. We could have stayed at home, but the reason my sister came over in the first place was because her parents were fighting. There was no soundproofing in our house, so there was no point in staying; we’d just end up listening to the noises of her parents’ arguments.

So we roamed around the neighborhood alleys as long as we didn’t go too far. We roamed until it got dark, and then sat at the entrance of the house waiting for Mom to come home.

Of course, we shared various stories in the meantime.

That story was one of the ones I told my sister.

“Mom… had a really tough time raising me. That’s why I want to earn a lot of money and go on a trip abroad with her.”

To be honest, I never thought about where we’d go overseas, which city we’d choose, or why I selected that city. Back then, I just thought of traveling abroad as something luxurious. For someone like me who rarely went on domestic trips, spending hundreds of thousands of won for just a few days felt like a story from a different world.

It was genuinely seen as something that only ‘rich people do.’

Of course, for Mom, going abroad might have become nothing special by now. It seems she had business trips abroad, so…

But still…

Now that I had been successful this much, I wanted to spend lavishly and take a long trip with Mom.

And if possible, I wanted my sister to come along too.

“…”

At my words, my sister sealed her lips tightly. Then she took my hand.

“…I’m sure we can make that happen.”

The way she said it sounded like she might burst into tears, so I decided to say nothing more.

My sister probably didn’t want to cry on the subway either.

*

Thus, countless thoughts floated away as time passed.

And amidst it all, there I was. Myself, my world.

The thoughts of wanting to meet and of being afraid to meet all seemed to blend together in the face of promises and time.

“Hello.”

“Daughter!”

When we arrived at the meeting place and greeted Mom, she waved cheerfully at my sister. Then, looking at me, she gently nodded and said,

“Hello.”

“Ah, yes, hello.”

Mom and I had always talked informally. It was just… like that since childhood. Maybe that was because I never grew out of it. I had heard that some people start addressing their parents formally as they get older.

So, it felt a bit awkward for me when Mom spoke formally to me. It also felt strange that I was speaking formally to her.

Mom didn’t seem to have changed much since I last saw her… which wasn’t too long ago anyway.

Her face still had wrinkles, and she looked older than I remembered.

So I felt even more anxious.

Compared to the average life expectancy in South Korea, I could say Mom was still in good health, but… given how hard she had it when I was young… And they say she is living so busily now that it seems like she’s trying to forget the past.

“I heard from a friend about the trip. Someone who went with you, right? Their name was…”

Mom’s face slightly clouded as she continued speaking.

“I think it was Siyun.”

With a kind smile directed at me, there was a sadness on her face that someone who didn’t know her could easily miss.

That small sadness tightened my chest.

“Yes, that’s Cha Si-hyun.”

“Oh, I see.”

Mom smiled back at me and alternated her gaze between my sister and me.

Then she playfully bent towards us and said,

“So you two… were like that…?”

In this situation, there was really no need for such caution. My sister and I both wanted a quiet place to talk with Mom. Mom confidently chose a hotel lounge as our spot, without any hesitations.

It looked like a really upscale café. I bet even ordering a glass of water would cost a fortune… probably a ridiculous amount. I was glad I had been here before. Otherwise, I would’ve freaked out looking at the menu.

Seeing Mom like this also filled me with some nostalgia. I knew she was busy and had a hard life… but the tough times we endured back then felt like a thing of the past now. Both Mom and I had enough money to walk comfortably into such places now.

“…Yes.”

As Mom spoke, my sister blushed slightly and responded.

“I see.”

Mom nodded in understanding.

“I got another pretty daughter.”

I really couldn’t tell what Mom was genuinely thinking. She never once mentioned how hard it was for her when I was little. She was so good at hiding her emotions, surely she would find a way to mask any disappointment in front of us if she had any thoughts about it.

Therefore, it was probably the case that she was aware of how we would feel about topics like grandchildren.

She likely knew we would feel sad if she brought that up, and that’s why she never did.

Ever since meeting Mom, my heart felt like it was about to burst. My face flushed naturally. Mom probably thought it was embarrassment or nerves that caused it.

“Could you have told me in advance?”

But it seemed Mom couldn’t hide the disappointment in her expression. And I understood why.

It wasn’t about her biological daughter, nor was it about an adopted child, but rather it was about not telling her about a relationship I’d entered into after I had disappeared.

And we only got to hear that story much later, a long time after we had started dating. Meanwhile, that daughter’s friend had known about it long ago.

“I’m sorry.”

And this was partly our fault too. If we had told her… she was the first person who should have known as Mom, as well as someone who helped my sister.

“It’s okay. You told me now, at least.”

Mom quickly returned to a smiling expression.

“So, was the trip fun? You went together, right?”

“Ah, yes.”

Watching my sister answer like that, guilt washed over me again.

Truthfully, this was something that should have been shared with Mom too. Even with all the fear I had, the order felt wrong to me.

“I’ll show you the photos… I’ll tell you a story first.”

When my sister said that, Mom tilted her head in confusion and said, “A story?”

My sister nodded at me.

I lightly nodded too, took a deep breath, and pulled something out of the small bag I had been carrying.

It was the CD-shaped stone that I had seen beforehand.

I touched the round, smooth part in the middle with my finger.

Up until then, Mom looked like she didn’t understand what I was trying to do by looking at my hand.

And then, I lightly infused some magic into the disk.

Wishing for this disk to open new possibilities between Mom and me.