I am back – Chapter 217

Looking back, it had been quite a while since Mom and I spent time together, just the two of us.

Way back in elementary school, I can’t even remember when exactly, Mom used to buy me hamburgers every payday… but after I met my older sister, well, my wife took care of me instead.

That doesn’t mean Mom was absent, though. Whenever my parents fought, my wife would always come down to our house, and we’d share meals and spend time together.

I think Mom was grateful to my sister. She didn’t mind coming over multiple times and was happy to help prepare meals.

… Having a child made me understand it a bit. Taking care of a newborn and even a few months old baby is tough, but just because they grow older doesn’t mean raising them becomes particularly easier. They have to go to school, and when kids come home, they need supervision, too.

It might have been a little better if I had siblings. If I had an older brother, he could have looked after me while Mom was busy with work, and if I had a younger sibling, we could have leaned on each other.

But I had no siblings at all. So I guess Mom appreciated that my sister was there to accompany us to school and spend time with us afterward.

“So….”

It seemed like Mom felt the awkwardness too.

No surprise there.

After my sister got to know Mom, it would just be the two of us again when she went back home. We didn’t do anything special at home.

It was just days spent watching TV together and falling asleep like that.

Mom must have found it tough. She had to work and provide for me. Even if I thought my childhood was happy, Mom might not have felt the same after going through different experiences elsewhere.

But still, I didn’t think she would hate that I was there with her.

Five years.

The time Mom and I spent apart was five years. It wasn’t just that I was in another place; I thought I had died for five years. Even after we both realized we were still here, I spent over a year almost always with my sister. Even with Mom around, we were three, not just two.

They say that as you grow up, you spend less time with your parents, and I feel that’s true. We’ve spent much less time together.

“Where should we go?”

After being unable to resist my wife and friends’ pleas since morning, I found myself alone with Mom, and I had nothing to say to her question.

The issue wasn’t just being alone; it was that I had shifted from being Mom’s son to being her daughter.

Should I treat Mom as a son or as a daughter? Acting like a son felt a bit odd since I’ve already had kids. Mom had even seen me right after giving birth.

“Let’s just… um, sit somewhere and talk first.”

So, I decided to go with whatever felt natural.

Maybe I was still a bit immature. I didn’t really use honorifics with Mom yet. Of course, my wife mixed honorifics and casual speech when talking to Mom.

I didn’t want things to get awkward. I thought Mom would feel the same, and fortunately, she smiled back at me.

“Well then, let’s go to a nearby café.”

The best coffee I’ve ever had was the one my wife chose for me. Objectively speaking, it might not actually be the best. It could just be that it was selected by someone I love. Nonetheless, I thought it was definitely not ‘bad-tasting’ coffee. My wife had worked hard to brew coffee over the last year.

Seeing people often coming in for coffee, I felt that way.

But still, I couldn’t just go home and ask my wife to brew coffee for me. After all, she had already taken care of the kids so I could have time alone with Mom, so I couldn’t ask for coffee on my day off.

Mom and I walked side by side, keeping a half-step distance apart. Just like I didn’t know how to treat Mom, it seemed she didn’t know how to treat me either.

The place we walked into was a nearby franchise café. A major franchise not just in Korea but globally. In comparison to the bakery my sister runs, it was massive.

Fortunately, since it was a weekday afternoon, it was quite bustling. The drinks came out quickly, allowing Mom and me to sit down in an open spot without needing to claim a table first.

We settled a bit away from the window.

“…….”

“…….”

Once we sat down, Mom and I each took a sip of our coffees at the same time. The coffee in the mugs was hot and bitter.

Over time, I had grown accustomed to the bitter taste and could now drink without grimacing.

“You’re an adult now, Siyun.”

Noticing my change, Mom smiled as she said that.

“I’ve always been an adult.”

If being an adult is defined legally, I was technically already an adult at the time of my death.

“To a mother, a child always seems like a kid.”

“You just called me an adult a moment ago.”

As I pouted, trying to make a point, Mom chuckled.

I felt a tiny bit of that awkwardness dissipate.

“Is there something you want to do? Or something you want to eat?”

Something I want to do, something I want to eat… Well, to be honest, I haven’t felt particularly excited whenever I’ve thought about those lately.

Maybe it’s okay to express it like this, but… well, I was mostly at home, and if I wanted to eat something, I could. I couldn’t go to just anywhere as I had two kids. But I believed I could go someday without a doubt.

Things have gotten much better, and I honestly don’t have to worry about money anymore.

Mom seemed to find fulfillment in her work and kept at it.

“Um….”

As I pondered this, Mom quietly observed me before speaking up.

“Our son has succeeded.”

With those words, a smile spread across Mom’s face. But at the same time, she looked a bit bittersweet. If a son who had left home without a word came back successful after five years, wouldn’t that be her expression?

I tried to picture Se-yeon or A-yeon doing that, but I couldn’t. They were still too young for me to imagine what kind of people they’d be when they grew up.

It might have been easier to visualize when they were still in the womb.

Though they were less than a year old and had just come into the world, I could slowly see traits resembling my sister and me on their faces. Not sure if that was just my imagination or if it was real.

“So, how about this?”

Mom suggested something while I was lost in thought.

“Imagine you’re going back to when you were very young and one by one, I’ll do the things I wanted to do for you.”

“What you wanted to do?”

“Yeah. For example, how about buying you a bag first?”

“A bag….”

Was that a big deal for her?

Honestly, since I stopped using the bag I got in elementary school, I’ve only bought another one once. I used a backpack for a while after I became a middle schooler until I graduated high school. If I hadn’t died, I probably would have carried it for some time in college.

I didn’t even wear the bag on the day I died. Because really, how many kids would bother bringing a bag to school on graduation day… well, only those who were already burdened by lots of things until that day.

In fact, shortly after the college entrance exam, I even ripped up my textbooks with friends and probably didn’t even look at them again.

“Your bag is still at home.”

“Ah….”

I guess… the uniform had to be thrown away. Although there should still be one more at home.

“I found it a while ago while cleaning, and it was pretty worn out. But it didn’t just age; it seems our son worked hard enough at school for it to wear down.”

Bags tend to get worn out no matter how carefully you use them.

“And the shoes… while a pair from that day was unavoidable, all the shoes left are worn out now.”

It seemed Mom hadn’t thrown away a single one of my things, even after moving.

“…….”

I couldn’t say anything out of guilt. It meant she hadn’t forgotten me, even after I was lost to her.

Even if she seemed to have overcome everything and thought it was all in the past, she remained my mother. The mother of her dead son.

“Can I buy you a bag, clothes, and shoes?”

“…… Yes.”

At Mom’s suggestion, I nodded.

Upon hearing my answer, Mom simply smiled at me.