I am back – Chapter 220

After unintentionally having a late lunch for the second time, I strolled leisurely with my mom again.

Truth be told, we had nothing special to do.

Neither of us was particularly fond of noisy places, nor were we excessively chatty. I couldn’t tell how much I resembled my father, but I could certainly feel that I looked a lot like my mom.

It wasn’t just our personalities. I had inherited her looks too. My mom was a woman, and I was a man, but if you compared a picture of us standing side by side, you could say our overall facial structure and features were quite similar. When I looked at my face, my mom’s face popped into my mind, and vice versa.

At least, it used to be that way.

“…….”

I walked in silence for a moment before bringing up what had been on my mind.

“……I’m sorry.”

“Uh?”

My mom replied to my words, sounding as if she hadn’t fully caught what I said while lost in her thoughts.

“What do you mean, sorry?”

Ah, it wasn’t so much that she didn’t hear me, but rather, she seemed not to have properly understood what I meant.

“So, what I’m saying is…”

What should I say?

I didn’t hold traditional Confucian views like those from the Joseon Dynasty. I wasn’t the type to religiously follow notions like “the body is a gift from parents.” Not now, nor back then.

But still, I knew that my body came from my mom.

I was my own person, sure, but that didn’t mean my whole life belonged solely to me.

We were bound by something more than a transactional relationship; it was a connection. That’s what creates family, friends, and lovers.

Yet, I disregarded all that and chose death.

It was an impulsive act, but ultimately, I had willingly chosen death. In front of my mom, no less.

With the body she gave me. One of the happiest memories of my life.

“That’s not your fault.”

My mom said that, tightening her grip on my arm.

“It was just how things turned out. What happened to you and us being left behind? It was just an accident… so there’s no need to apologize for that.”

“…….”

And that wasn’t all I wanted to say.

“My body.”

“Uh?”

“I asked for this body, didn’t I?”

My mom was already aware since she had heard the story.

When I returned, I hoped to come back as a completely new person and get to know my mom and sister all over again.

To the goddess, I had said, ‘I don’t want to hurt you,’ but in the end, I can’t deny that my true feelings didn’t show through.

And the goddess listened to me, ultimately transforming me into a body where my previous self was hardly visible.

…Though Arna recognized me instantly with her superhuman abilities.

“Though I said I didn’t want to hurt anyone, in reality, I just didn’t have the courage to persuade them. I was scared of revealing that I had died twice, and that I had been in a different world where magic existed. Maybe when I spoke those words to the goddess, I didn’t think that way, but it’s just me fooling myself.”

I had already said that to my wife. I had said it to my friends.

But it was a conversation I could never have with my mom. I only shared the superficial reasons behind how I ended up like this. My mom was probably hearing the deeper story for the first time now.

My friends and wife wouldn’t have shared that story with her.

“…….”

After listening to me, my mom walked in silence for a while.

There was no one around. It was a weekday, and most people were still at work.

In fact, even if there had been someone nearby, they wouldn’t have reacted to our conversation anyway.

“Mom….”

After a long pause, my mom finally spoke up.

“I thought I hadn’t done anything for you.”

“…….”

“I struggled just to make ends meet, that was all. Keeping us from starving was my only goal. Even with all the government support, it was tough to pay off debts… and yet, I foolishly clung to the idea of staying in Seoul.”

Would our lives have improved if we had moved to the countryside? If we had gone somewhere with cheaper housing…?

I honestly didn’t know. It was a different story whether mom could earn money there just like she did in Seoul.

“I thought, if you studied hard, went to a good college, got a good job… I wanted you to live well, but I never thought to ask you what you wanted. What you wanted to do or what kind of job you wanted in the future.”

I couldn’t respond at all to what my mom said.

“After everything, only after you left my side did I finally realize… Wow, I really didn’t know anything about my son. I wasn’t even a proper mom who could be there for him.”

“…….”

“So, just having you back is something I’m grateful for. If you had truly lost your will to live, if I hadn’t brought you back, you wouldn’t have come to me and tried to reveal yourself and persuade me.”

My mom was quietly looking far ahead.

“So you came back. You told me and as time passed and I organized my thoughts, only one feeling remained. Thank you for coming back.”

My mom slightly glanced at me. Tears were welling up in her eyes.

“Thank you for missing me, even though I’ve done nothing for you….”

“Mom.”

I tried to argue against my mom’s words, but somehow I couldn’t get any words out. With her saying that, what could I possibly say?

What parent in the world can give their child everything? Sure, if someone were exceptionally rich, maybe. But in most ordinary families, that’s impossible.

Even though everyone else lives that way, my mom will continue to think about the things she couldn’t give me when I was a child. People naturally have a hard time letting go of their past regrets.

…And perhaps, that’s not purely a bad thing.

If I hadn’t held onto my past regrets and shaken everything off, I wouldn’t be here now.

The happiness I feel now is because I clung to my past.

“Isn’t there still a lot of time?”

I said to my mom.

“Now that we’ve met again, there’s no reason to part. So, we can just go one step at a time.”

At my words, my mom’s eyes widened a little.

“That’s right.”

My mom smiled.

“So that’s why I’m grateful. It’s like we got a second chance.”

I thought it was I who got the chance, but my mom said that to me.

Well, maybe it doesn’t really matter.

Whether it’s what my mom gives me or what I do for her, it’s all things we both want to do.

We finally managed to regain our daily lives, and we could be happy together again.

So, maybe there’s no need to save time or money.

“…So, here’s the thing,” my mom said with a smile. “What should we have for dinner?”

“Um….”

I fell into thought.

This time, I had to think of something fancy that wouldn’t disappoint my mom.

…But saying this makes it feel like I’m not the one eating, but rather the one being treated, and that feels a bit strange.

*

“Are we spending this year’s New Year’s Eve at our house again?”

“Is that okay?”

“You could just move in, it wouldn’t be a problem.”

“Geez.”

At my words, my mom playfully flicked my arm. It didn’t hurt, though. It was just a playful gesture.

“How can you live in a newlywed couple’s home?”

“…….”

Hmm.

I was finally getting used to calling my sister my wife, but every time someone called us a newlywed couple, it felt a bit awkward.

We were a complete couple now that we were married and had a child, but I was still getting used to it.

I wondered if my mom felt the same way.

“But yeah, I could definitely spend New Year’s Eve there. We can celebrate the New Year together.”

My mom’s face lit up, and it made my heart swell.

“So where should we go? If we book it now, we might barely make it to early next year.”

“Going out…”

My mom’s expression turned slightly blank before she smiled brightly.

“That sounds great… really.”

“Yeah, let’s go as a family. With A-yeon and Se-yeon.”

Mom nodded at my invitation.

“Really, A-yoon is so well-mannered.”

“I’ve been living with you for so long.”

“Still.”

My mom looked up at the moonlit night sky and said.

“Even though I’ve been with you two since you were children, you both still feel like my kids.”

“…….”

I could only chuckle softly at my mom’s words.