I am back – Chapter 33

“Wait, Mom.”

That memory, the deepest one I had with him, began with those words.

One day, I really didn’t want to go home, so I took a detour on my way back from school.

With nowhere else to go, I wandered through the cold streets. But there wasn’t much around to keep my interest. After working all day in the city and stumbling back home under the pitch-black night sky, there was certainly no place nearby that would catch the eye of a newly minted middle school student.

Even if there were, I wouldn’t have had any money to spend.

In the end, all I could do was roam the alley filled with old villas and red-brick houses, returning to one of the homes tucked somewhere in that alley.

Were Mom and Dad fighting again today?

Thinking this, the already cold winter wind seemed to seep right down to my bones. Surely, not everyone living in this neighborhood was as unhappy as I was, so why did that misfortune seem to find me alone? I wanted to escape, but I didn’t have the means or the money to do so. I was just too young.

As I trembled in the cold and returned home, I found a child squatting in front of my house.

That kid, sniffling, was bundled up in clothes that looked quite old and tattered. It was evident that the wind could easily slip through the worn fabric. In fact, the kid was shivering a little.

Wearing a pair of knitted gloves with a string to hang around the neck—probably something they picked themselves—the child seemed to be waiting for someone.

It was a kid I had never seen before.

“…Who are you?”

My voice, when I asked, was surprisingly cold. After realizing my tone, I quickly clamped my mouth shut, but those words couldn’t be taken back.

The kid looked up at me intently. Fortunately, it seemed there were no strong feelings towards me, as the child briefly gazed at me and said, “Mom.”

“What?”

I was taken aback, not sure if it was directed at me, so I asked again.

“Wait, Mom.”

Only then did the kid finish their sentence properly.

“Ah…”

I felt a bit embarrassed for being surprised by the word “Mom.” Thankfully, the weather was freezing, so my face had already turned red, masking my embarrassment.

Not hearing a proper answer from me, the kid lowered their gaze again, seemingly having no interest in anything other than waiting for their mom.

“….”

For a moment, I considered trying to engage again, but then I thought about how pointless that would be and let out a little sigh. As I started to pass the child to go home—

I heard a crash, like something breaking.

The sound came from my house.

Then I heard a woman scream, followed by a man’s shout.

“….”

As usual, it was the sound of my Mom and Dad fighting.

For a moment, I froze in my spot and unconsciously looked down at the kid beside me. The little one seemed startled, turning to look towards the direction of the noise.

The commotion continued.

“….”

In the end, I gave up on going home and squatted down next to the child.

“Are you waiting for someone too?”

The kid asked me.

“Yeah.”

“Who?”

“…Mom and Dad.”

I replied quietly.

On that winter night, with the sky completely dark, we squatted together under the orange streetlight and waited for quite a while.

It wasn’t until a few days later that I realized the kid, whom I thought was so much younger and smaller than me, was actually only three years younger.

*

The reason I said that to the child was that, honestly, I couldn’t think of a better excuse.

That day, when I casually put a thousand-won bill into the donation kettle, it was just an impulsive act.

I wanted to look a little cool in front of this kid who could only stare at me endlessly. Honestly, I regretted it right after. There were plenty of things you could do with a thousand won. Wouldn’t it have been better to buy a bag of snacks and share them instead?

“Why do you help people so much?”

When the question came, I struggled to find a suitable answer.

I didn’t have any younger siblings, but I had heard from friends that young kids could be quite bothersome. This kid, however, had hardly bothered me at all. In fact, they always looked so weak compared to other children, that it worried me.

But still, they were a kid. If they were to ask repeatedly like others, “Why?” then I wouldn’t have had anything to say. After all, I was hardly older than this kid by just three years. It didn’t matter how much I took care of them; I was still just a middle school student.

Yet, looking at that kid who was always gazing up at me, I felt as if I had to give an answer.

What should I say?

“……It’s just the world we live in.”

That was the pathetic excuse I could come up with.

There was no logic at all, utterly insufficient to convince anyone. It wasn’t even a proper ‘reason.’

“Because it’s the world we live in?”

But the innocent child took those words at face value.

As I felt my face heat up from the kid’s bright gaze, I added, “Yeah, because that’s the world….”

I wished, desperately, that my mind could come up with a solid reasoning, but that was just my brain trying to trick itself. There was no way a proper answer would come out.

“Because it’s the world, and it’s good to help each other…”

In the end, that was the extent of my response.

A word that didn’t explain anything, with no coherence, just empty words.

But the child, after hearing those words, stared at me for a moment and then broke into a wide smile.

“Got it.”

And they seemed to understand on their own.

Then, out of nowhere, they brought their hand out of their pocket.

In their hand was a 500-won coin.

“Ah…”

Before I could even stop them, the kid dropped the 500 won into the donation kettle.

And then they looked back up at me, smiling again.

“…….”

I had nothing more to say to that child.

*

Perhaps the kid found those words truly endearing, for they repeated them countless times. And truly, they grew up just as they had said.

A kind person who always showed their kindness through actions, not just words.

At some point, I found myself drawn to them. Although they acted and spoke as if I led them, it was not true.

They had been so good since childhood that, upon hearing my meaningless words, they probably truly lived those words until the end.

…Until the end. Yes, until the end.

“Therefore, if we help each other, it’s a good thing…”

So, when ‘Siyun’ said such words, I was taken by surprise.

It wasn’t like we had spent our childhoods together, nor did we know each other well enough for them to casually say something like that.

But this time, I didn’t hold back.

At least not this time—honestly.

“I just feel like, by helping people here, I become a little better person.”

Without pretension.

“It makes me feel like this insignificant self becomes someone who helps someone else, even just for a moment. So that’s why I’m here.”

I could say that.

…It was probably thanks to Siyun that I could say this.

What started as a mere pretense of kindness gradually transformed into something more because I kept the thought that Siyun was watching me. And slowly, I began to understand why I was doing this.

Helping someone was also a way of helping myself.

There are times when it’s hard, and there are times when I want to give up.

But amid all that, every now and then, I feel that I’m being of help to someone.

“That’s not really a very big reason, is it?”

At my words, Siyun fell into thought.

Is Siyun also someone who thinks helping others is simply a given? Helping out of the goodness of their heart just because that’s the right thing to do…

I hoped they weren’t.

“No.”

Siyun shook their head at my story.

“I still think it’s amazing.”

And a small smile appeared on their face.

“Just thinking about helping someone is already impressive enough.”

“…….”

I quietly gazed at Siyun’s face.

They were different from the person I knew. In every aspect, they weren’t similar—at least not in appearance.

Yet, why was it that when I looked at that smiling face, I thought of him?

Why, upon seeing that expression, that gesture, that tone of voice—did I wonder if Siyun might have said something like that?

“…Thank you.”

Not knowing what else to say, I simply responded with those short words.