I am back – Chapter 50

I wracked my brain to come up with an excuse.

“I was thinking from the very beginning that I wanted to wish to come back to this world. The Goddess knew that too, so what I said back then was based on that thought. I was sure that if I died, I’d come back.”

“Come back, huh?”

Upon hearing my words, Arna stretched out and sat down on the sofa, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. It was the same expression she made when someone said something annoying to her.

I had seen that expression a few times when we first formed the party.

“Are you saying that this situation is you ‘coming back’?”

“…But I actually came back, didn’t I?”

Still not fully understanding what Arna was getting at, I responded in kind.

“No, you can’t really express this as ‘coming back.’ It should be expressed as ‘being reborn.’ Look.”

Arna pointed at me, and I instinctively looked down.

There it was—my body.

A body that turned into a woman.

“The expression ‘coming back’ can only be used under the assumption that you were alive in the first place. Even if you died and your remains returned to your hometown, only then could you say you ‘came back.’ Seeing you be reborn as a completely different person is not something you’d describe as ‘coming back.'”

“But… I’m still me. I have all my memories, and when I met you all again, I recognized everyone just fine.”

“That’s true.”

Arna didn’t deny what I said.

“But then, let me ask you. Is this the place you longed for so much?”

“….”

“To say ‘come back’ doesn’t simply mean ‘coming to this world.’ It means returning to the country you lived in, the hometown you lived in. Broadly speaking, yes, this could be the country you lived in. Narrowing it down, it might even be the city you lived in. But to me, this city isn’t small enough for you to just say ‘this is my hometown’ as if it were anywhere.”

Korea is by no means a large country. At least, compared to countries that you’d count on one hand on Earth, it can’t hold up. One state in the U.S. is generally much larger than the entire territory of Korea.

But still, it felt odd to be dropped anywhere in Korea and say ‘this is my hometown.’ Sure, after spending a long time abroad, one could say that, but usually, after saying that, they’d head towards their actual hometown.

Even if I limited it to the place where I used to live, if someone from another region asked me, ‘Where did you live?’ and I replied, ‘Seoul,’ then they’d probably respond with, ‘So, where in Seoul?’

“…I met my older sister. I also met my mom.”

“….”

Since Arna had heard my tale numerous times, she likely knew which sister I was talking about, and the reason I longed to go back so much.

After hesitating for a moment, Arna finally spoke, as if she had made up her mind.

“So, how are things with that sister of yours? Does she know you’re you?… Did your mom properly accept you as her son?”

“….”

I couldn’t answer that question.

“I want to ask again. What do you think is the reason you became that body when you came to this world?”

“I asked the Goddess to not let me be recognized.”

“Wasn’t there another reason before that?”

“Another reason?”

Arna paused for a moment, then slowly opened her mouth to continue.

“Isn’t the reason you became that body ultimately because you died again? If the Goddess originally intended to send you to this world with your original body intact, then you wouldn’t have bothered her with such a difficult request to create a new body from the start. Knowing your character, you definitely wouldn’t have.”

“….”

“So… this is what I think. When you were reborn in this world, there must have been a reason you couldn’t keep your body. And if that were the case, wouldn’t it make sense that you preferred to be reborn as someone else and wished to meet your family again instead?”

Arna’s question left me speechless.

Indeed, if I had managed to survive until the end, and thus kept my body, I would have likely crossed over to another world just as I was. I probably wouldn’t have thought to die and be reborn like this.

…And, honestly, I did think things would somehow work out. The Goddess merely granted me another life; she never said she’d wish me back to life as a wish. She didn’t say, ‘I’ll bring you back to life as many times as you need, so try your best.’

That’s why I worked so hard to survive.

Before I knew it, Kalia had a serious look on her face as she watched me. Dana furrowed her brows. Perhaps because she was smart but sometimes thought narrowly when it came to her interests, she was probably recalling the possibilities she hadn’t considered at first.

Pia was covering her mouth with her hands, and there were tears welling in her eyes.

“…Haha.”

In the end, I helplessly smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“…So it seems there was a reason.”

“The Goddess said she could create a new body for me, but every time she did, it would be further removed from my ‘original’ body. So… even though I resemble it somewhat, I’d rather be ‘just someone else’ than a person who has completely become another.”

I spoke while touching the tips of my fingers together.

As I quietly looked down at those fingertips and lifted my gaze, I noticed the four of them had faces that looked ready to burst into tears, so I hastily added,

“I said I died once in this world. Even my sister, my mom, certainly wouldn’t think of me as their deceased child just because I’m back here. So… though there are reasons like you might think, it’s not like it was ‘unavoidable.’ It was just the best conclusion I came to after thinking about it.”

“….”

At my words, Arna closed her eyes in thought, then let out a small sigh and opened them again.

“…Is that so? If that was your choice… then I won’t press any further. But…”

“Yeah?”

Before I could respond, Arna smoothly rose from the sofa.

Bowing toward me, she said,

“Thank you for saving us, even with such sacrifice.”

“Wha, uh, wait—”

But Arna wasn’t the only one. Following her, Kalia, Dana, and Pia also rose.

And they all bent forward towards me, saying in unison,

“On behalf of the Kingdom, thank you. Thanks to you, many lives have been saved.”

“…That’s a sacrifice I could never have made if I were in your position. Thank you very much.”

“It’s just… just thank you. Even if you had refused, no one would have said anything, so we’re grateful for your help.”

“….”

I stood awkwardly, thinking about what to say.

Actually, there wasn’t much to think about. My mind had turned completely blank, leaving me unsure of what to do.

“I…”

I finally opened my mouth and stammered,

“…No. It wasn’t just me.”

I fully stood up from my awkward position and bowed toward the ones who were still bending towards me.

“I enjoyed traveling with you all too. If you hadn’t followed and helped me, I wouldn’t have made it halfway and probably would have died. And… there were many people who helped us.”

That’s right. There were knights who risked their lives to maintain the front line, mages who followed the knights to open the gates and set defensive barriers, and laborers who came for the siege work.

Without all of them, we wouldn’t have been able to protect the world.

Being able to defeat the Demon King wasn’t solely my achievement. It was the will of everyone who wanted to protect their hometown that made it possible.

For a moment, we remained bowed to each other, then, with no one deciding who would be first, we burst into laughter.

Really, it had been a long time.

I couldn’t remember the last time I laughed out loud like this.

Whenever we could take a break in town, we’d sit at the tavern, sharing drinks and laughing joyfully.

The familiar sounds of laughter from the four of them echoed in my ears.

Just that alone filled my heart with a warm feeling.

…Though I did feel a little sad that amidst all that harmonious laughter, only my laughter had completely changed.