I am back – Chapter 69

It was still a chilly day, not quite winter anymore. The snow that had fallen recently remained in the shaded spots between the buildings, and the street trees were still looking bare. It seemed like it would be a while before the new leaves would sprout.

However, it was definitely a season that marked the end of completely wintry weather.

In about a month, there would be graduation ceremonies. Middle school, high school, university too.

Naturally, Siyun would be graduating soon as well.

It was only after becoming a university student that I felt that university students weren’t exactly at an age to be called adults. It wasn’t just because I wasn’t making money yet. Rather… how should I put it? I still felt like I hadn’t completely broken free from my high school days. Despite having been in university for three years, it felt like nothing had significantly changed.

I had tried part-time work. So, I received some money, and thanks to that, I could buy nice things for my mother and Siyun.

I could get a fleeting sense of adulthood, but… there were still many things I needed to do before truly becoming an adult.

Midterms and finals were still ahead, and from this year, I had to start looking for a job seriously. Hopefully, I could find employment before graduating.

Still, this year would surely be a joyful one.

Siyun passed the entrance exam for the same university as me.

We weren’t in the same department. But… there was still plenty of time as fourth-year students. Just looking at the first semester timetable, there were lots of free periods. Of course, most of that time would likely be for studying for certification exams or preparing for interviews… but I wouldn’t be totally unable to find time for Siyun.

Moreover, by this year, Siyun would be an adult, and that meant more things we could do together.

Meeting up on Friday evenings and spending Saturdays together shouldn’t be impossible, right? Ah, of course, I’d need to get permission from my mother.

It would be the first time Siyun and I were on the same stage together.

The three-year age difference was significant enough that we couldn’t go to middle school or high school together. But now, during our university years, there would be a whole year of overlapping.

We could hang out… not just within Seoul, but maybe even plan a trip somewhere far. And share a room for a drink, and perhaps, perhaps…

“…”

And while I was lost in those thoughts, Yoori looked at me like I was someone foolish.

At the café we always went to, Yoori propped her chin on her hands and stared at me blankly.

“So, you two still aren’t officially dating?”

“Yeah.”

As I said that while trying not to laugh, Yoori brushed her hand across her face in disbelief.

“You two have been together for ages. Didn’t Siyun start seeing you back when he was in elementary school?”

“Yeah…”

“You guys hold hands every day, and whenever you go anywhere, you always go together.”

“It wasn’t really like that…”

True, after Yoori and Siyun started showing interest in each other, she often brought him along. They held hands, sure, but that was something that started from when they were little kids.

But that didn’t mean that I didn’t have feelings for Siyun.

And, naturally, Yoori pretended not to hear my justifications.

“You two walking around together could create enough honey to last a year if you gathered it all. You know that? Everyone in the department knows you have a boyfriend.”

“…Huh?”

“…Siyun waits for you by the school gate every time school ends. Don’t you think people wouldn’t notice that? Maybe at first, but now it’s been three years! Three years! And now, you’ll be stuck together on campus!”

“Y-Yeah, but even spending a whole year together… wouldn’t we be too busy with classes? I have a lot of lectures to take as a freshman, you know. Missing those could make things harder later on.”

“So you’re saying you won’t stick together then? I bet you’ll wait for him until his class is over. You’d be at the entrance, fidgeting and waiting ten minutes before he finishes up.”

“W-Well, not exactly…”

But I couldn’t outright deny it. I felt like Yoori would definitely call me out on it someday, saying, “See! I told you so!”

“No, is it even logical to say just because neither of you confessed means you’re not dating? How can you stick together for so long without one of you realizing you’re in a relationship? Both of you being clueless is just ridiculous, don’t you think? By high school, you both ought to know better, right?”

“No, but regardless of that…”

Again, the three-year age difference seemed trivial but also significant.

Particularly felt more acutely as students.

When I was in first year of middle school, Siyun was in fourth grade. If I were a year younger and dating an elementary school sixth grader, it might seem cute; but dating while being a middle schooler and elementary schooler just sounded weird. The news often has disturbing stories of middle schoolers assaulting elementary students, you know? Even if our relationship was perfectly innocent, some people might still look at it oddly.

And this logic applies to middle school/ high school and high school/ university relationships as well.

For sure, if we were just one year apart, I could have confidently said, “But at least there’s a two-year gap!” in front of anyone.

The issue was that whenever I progressed to a higher school level, Siyun was always the “freshman” of the lower level.

No matter how I thought about it, confessing felt like a risky move.

…Of course, it might just appear as me making excuses out of fear.

“…”

After hearing what could either be considered me explaining or making excuses, Yoori just stood there, mouth agape for a moment.

“Are you really trying to pass that off as an excuse?”

When she finally moved her mouth to speak, those were the words that came out.

“…”

And I had nothing to say.

“After all those years, you’re coming up with excuses now?”

With slightly unfocused eyes, Yoori stared at me blankly, responding in a voice that seemed indistinguishable from a mutter.

“W-Well!”

Feeling the urgency from Yoori’s expression, I tried to explain again.

“Could it be that…”

“Scared you’d get rejected?”

“…”

After Yoori blurted out what I couldn’t voice, I nearly jumped in shock as I got choked up.

“Worried that being close friends might shatter? That you might not be able to recover your relationship again?”

“…”

That was precisely what I had thought all along, leaving me speechless.

“Oh my…”

Yoori let out a deep sigh.

“I’ve told you several times. You’re pretty. You’ve got nothing to feel inferior about. The reason you’re not getting asked out is solely because Siyun’s waiting for you every day in front of the school gate!”

And while that wasn’t said, it was likely due to Yoori as well. Whenever some boys or seniors tried to approach and offer me a drink, Yoori would suddenly swoop in to take it. She was looking out for me since I’m not great at handling alcohol.

And because everyone knew that Yoori drank like a champ and wasn’t someone to mess around with, others naturally kept their distance.

I was grateful for Yoori.

“I can assure you, Siyun likes you. If you confess, you’d immediately become a couple right then and there! I mean, would it really change much just because you two are officially dating?”

“Do you really think so?”

“…”

At my response, Yoori facepalmed herself.

“Cough.”

At that moment, Hyunseung, who had been quietly listening, cleared his throat.

“Mind if I chime in?”

“Yeah, speak from a guy’s perspective and try to persuade her.”

Yoori still had a hand on her forehead, gesturing with the other as she spoke.

Hyunseung shrugged his shoulders once and then talked to me.

“As a guy, I can tell you that the moment you confess, you’ll start to look at her a little differently.”

“Differently?”

As I asked, Hyunseung nodded.

“Exactly. Plus, you’re kind of like his childhood friend. If you have a pretty and kind older sister that he’s grown up with, normally that feeling turns into a crush. Especially if the illusion isn’t shattered. Crushes tend to keep burning until they’re given up on, and even when the fire dies down, the embers just sit there waiting for someone to blow it back into a flame.”

“…”

What a dramatic explanation, it sounded like song lyrics.

“And the best kindling is when the girl he likes confesses to him. What guy, anywhere, can resist that confession?”

“…Is that really how it works?”

“It is.”

Hyunseung nodded confidently and followed up.

“And even if that’s not the case, you can’t keep doing this forever. You’re not going to live alone forever. What if someone snatches him away first? Do you think you’ll still be holding hands with Siyun then?”

“…”

That was certainly true.

“Age differences aside, there’s no excuse left for either of you. You need to seize this opportunity before someone else does. And speaking as a guy, he definitely likes you. How could he hold hands with someone he doesn’t like?”

“Right, right.”

Yoori nodded along from the side, looking pleased.

“…”

I fell silent for a moment, deep in thought before eventually nodding.

“…Okay then. I’ll definitely confess this year.”