I am back – Chapter 71

After that, all I have are fragmented memories.

The time that slipped by must have been a few days, and even though I was fully involved during that time.

Inside the ambulance heading to the hospital.

Already, a white cloth covered Siyun’s face.

No, it wasn’t just a white cloth. It had already been stained red, so using the word ‘white’ felt inappropriate.

I remember the appearance of the hospital.

And before I knew it, Yoori had arrived. Hyunseung was there too.

At the funeral home, Siyun’s mother sat there, seemingly in a daze, as if she had forgotten how to cry.

I think a few people came. I can’t remember their faces. Were they distant relatives?

Originally, the funeral was supposed to end modestly as a family affair. Siyun had few relatives, and his father’s side didn’t even come to the funeral home.

But that didn’t happen.

After a few hours, unknown people in black suits began to arrive.

At first, I thought they were Siyun’s relatives. Since Siyun’s mother was still sitting there in a stupor, Yoori and I confronted those people—

What did they say again?

It seemed they came from some company. At least, to my knowledge, they were people who had no relation to Siyun at all.

Click, and then people following them began to take pictures with flashes.

…I heard later that they couldn’t use those photos after all. They thought I was Siyun’s biological sister when they took the pictures, but it turned out I was just a neighbor with no blood relation.

These people came without knowing anything, spoke to me like they knew everything, and left without knowing anything.

After that, it seemed that some labor union from a company showed up.

This time, the flash went off again. Naturally, that photo couldn’t be used properly either.

I was in a stupor, but it seemed Yoori figured out what was going on from that moment.

Yoori got angry and chased those people away. She didn’t care when they asked her why the flash went off in her direction.

Hyunseung, who also had long hair back then, was the same. The two chased the people away in anger.

Soon, flower arrangements without any mountain-like decorations began to pile in. The wreaths made of white chrysanthemums came with thick ribbons attached.

When Yoori saw the words on the ribbon, she got angry again. The delivery people had to take the wreaths back to the road before they were even placed in front of the funeral home.

People who weren’t even dressed in black came in holding large cameras, only to be chased away by Yoori again. A man in a white-haired suit came in, only to be chased away by Hyunseung this time.

But eventually, so many people began to arrive that… it was just a matter of how to block them at the entrance.

Fortunately, around that time, Siyun’s friends from high school, who heard the news after their graduation, were holding their ground along with my university friends.

At the very last moment.

The person who drove that truck came.

The children allowed that person to enter.

Repeatedly apologizing while kneeling, neither I nor Siyun’s mother spoke a word. We couldn’t even make eye contact, afraid of what we might say or do.

The uncle, who heard nothing from us, continued kneeling for two or three hours before leaving with his head bowed.

I have no idea what happened to him after that. I didn’t want to know either.

“You don’t need to know.”

After everything was over, when I asked Yoori about those who had come, she said it with a stiff, hardened face.

But I knew I couldn’t live forever without knowing any of that. As time went by, I started reading the news and articles.

There had been labor disputes.

It was just unfortunate that the accident happened then, in broad daylight, on such a beautiful day.

The accident photos quickly went up online.

An image of a young woman screaming while embracing a blood-soaked teenager was quite suitable for an article, and the story spread across the country in no time.

There were mentions of an overloaded truck that couldn’t stop the brakes in time and a driver who had dozed off.

Some blamed the driver for drowsy driving, while others blamed the company for overloading.

What might have been a brief mention of a traffic accident in a corner of the newspaper, spread like wildfire on the internet. Meanwhile, the story of the deceased graduate jumping into the truck took hold, creating a tragic narrative.

The labor disputes reached the ears of some members of the major political parties.

Some broadcasting stations also caught wind of that story.

The people flocking to the funeral home were thus intertwined.

Among them, some had come smelling money, and some had no relation at all. There was even a citizen group that set up a memorial in the middle of Seoul, only to be criticized and dismantled.

At first, the opinions that had been split soon turned toward those who had shown disgrace at the funeral, feeling disillusioned after seeing the realities written by people present that day. Those photos remained so vividly that they couldn’t escape the public’s condemnation.

I only learned all of this later on.

In an instant, I had become a public figure. Though my face was pixelated in the articles, the earlier circulated photos were untouched.

For a while, I couldn’t even get on the internet. Among the scattered photos across various communities, the face of Siyun in my arms was there in full view. And Siyun’s state at that time—

…..

For about a year, I stayed out of school.

The year that I thought would remain the most vivid…

Ultimately carved itself into my memory in the worst possible way.

*

That day, the child Siyun saved didn’t appear in my memories.

They never came to the funeral home. Neither that child nor their parents.

No, perhaps they might have been mixed among the people who flooded in that day.

Since we never actually met, I don’t know what it really was like.

However, I only remember the brief glimpse I caught of that child seemed very young.

“They were young, and I guess their parents weren’t nearby.”

“……”

As I spoke quietly, Yoori bit her lower lip hard.

I don’t think she would have thought they didn’t know.

However, I did consider the possibility that they might have been scared.

Someone might have pushed from behind, stumbled, and when they looked up, such a horrifying scene unfolded before their eyes, with some screaming, others shouting something loudly…

In fear, they might have run away somewhere.

Even if they did come back later, it would have been arranged so they couldn’t get in again.

By the time they truly realized what had happened, the chaos must have been raging uncontrollably.

Could they have told their parents?

Everyone cared about the fact that a boy died while doing a righteous deed, but there were only wild speculations about the girl who had been the cause that day.

“But still…”

Yoori tried to say something, but then let out a long sigh.

“Yeah, if you, the main party, say that, what more could I say?”

Honestly, I felt wronged too.

Why did it have to be there?

Why did it have to be when we were there?

Why was it overloading? Why was it drowsy?

…And why was it that Siyun had to be so kind…

Of course, I knew well that all of that was unreasonable.

Certainly, the reason Siyun had grown up to be so kind was not only because he was inherently a good child…

It was also my fault.

I had tried to look good in front of Siyun. To be better seen. I always wanted to appear cool and pretty in front of Siyun. To seem kind.

I deliberately showed a side where I was doing good deeds to others. I spoke in a way that seemed kind and acted to appear benevolent.

To my surprise, Siyun believed me just as I was.

And he always strove to be a good person.

That goodness, therefore, was different from my pretense.

It sought to act kindly with genuine faith, and I was the one enchanted by that.

That was the true form of Siyun—and before I knew it, I was following Siyun’s example.

Always illuminating the surroundings, the good person named Siyun.

So, it was because he was there, as he was, that I found him likable.

So, ultimately, it means everything that happened in that moment could only happen.

…But then, if that’s the case.

Ultimately, the cause of everything that happened that day.

Wasn’t it me?

If I hadn’t tried to look good in front of Siyun, if I hadn’t bragged for no reason.

…If I hadn’t come to like Siyun.

Just saying a few less words.

Laughing less,

Or rather, if I had no reason to be there at all.

If only Siyun had arrived just a little later or earlier.

Could Siyun have survived in some form?

Yes, no matter what I blame in that spot, it would be unreasonable.

The true cause, simply, was just me.

I was that kind of person.

So, shouldn’t I be the one who cannot forget Siyun?