I am back – Chapter 75

“Hey, sis.”

“Yeah?”

When I turned my head at the sudden call, Siyun was staring at me with a worried look on his face.

“Is something wrong?”

“Uh…”

It’s not that there was nothing wrong. To be honest, there was.

Yesterday, taking a break, I had gone out and bought a gift saying it was Siyun’s birthday, but the Siyun I was actually remembering wasn’t the one standing in front of me—it was the Siyun I used to be close with a long time ago.

Thinking about it, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Maybe it was the name, or maybe it was just that Siyun looked a lot like that Siyun. Whatever the reason, I was just confused all by myself, and nobody else knew that.

Since I had already bought the gift, I brought it home. Even though it was still a while until his actual birthday, it could still be a gift for the Siyun in front of me. I had thought of him when I bought it, so I figured it wouldn’t be a problem.

However, aside from that…

I hadn’t gotten a proper night’s sleep yesterday.

It was my own confusion, but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel sorry about it.

Do I even perceive the Siyun next to me as *him*?

Like Yoori said, am I just keeping the current Siyun by my side to fill the void left by the Siyun of the past?

Yeah, if I just keep quiet, Siyun wouldn’t have to know.

Just keeping him around like this, I could lean a little on him, and Siyun would probably accept that.

But—

Would that even be okay?

Thinking about it made me restless.

In the end, all I could do was stare blankly at the ceiling, and it wasn’t until well past midnight that I finally managed to doze off.

That’s probably why the fatigue was so evident on my face.

“No, I’m just a bit tired.”

I rubbed my eyes slightly as I answered.

I closed the book I had been reading. If I kept reading here, I’d probably just fall asleep. I didn’t want Siyun to see me falling asleep and dropping the book on the floor.

I wanted to remain a reliable older sister to Siyun.

… Like I used to be.

“…”

I lowered my hand that had been rubbing my eyes.

“Should I handle the register?”

Siyun asked. Usually, we both took care of the register, but during slow hours, it was fine for just one of us to be there. Of course, nobody just slacked off—whoever was at the register would welcome customers as needed, and we would take turns.

“No, it’s really fine.”

As I stood up from my chair, Siyun looked at me with concern.

When we’re standing face to face like this, I could tell I was a bit shorter. Just a little, but I was looking up at Siyun.

Of course, I was four years older, and Siyun looked a bit younger than his age, but people wouldn’t mistake the age difference between us.

Hmm, but this felt a bit different.

Siyun, who had spent his younger days with me, had grown much taller. By the time he became a high school student, he definitely had that grown-up vibe. His face still looked youthful and his skin soft, but when we walked together, people rarely saw us as siblings.

Like Yoori said, people naturally assumed we were just friends.

Back then, I was a university student, so I probably looked younger than I do now.

“…”

Siyun looked at me for a moment before coming closer and placing his hand on my shoulder.

“Oh.”

Before I could react, he pressed down gently on my shoulder.

Of course, it wasn’t enough for me to fall down or collapse, but somehow, I found myself sinking into the chair.

“Stay seated like that, okay? If you’re tired, maybe it’s better to doze off a bit.”

“Oh, but—”

“It’s fine. Ga-young will be here soon.”

“…”

Siyun said with a smile.

Even though he was much younger than me, he seemed so reliable.

… Or maybe it was just that I wasn’t acting my age.

“… Alright.”

If he insisted like that, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to rely on him a little.

Honestly, I was really tired. I had enough energy up until I opened the shop, but after a rush of customers in the morning, exhaustion had hit me all at once, and I found myself dozing off in my chair.

Well, after two months, I was probably doing well enough as an employee. There wasn’t any job here that required a license to perform.

If I kept treating Siyun like a kid, it would probably bother him. He might even feel like I didn’t trust him.

“…”

Siyun smiled at me and stood in front of the register.

He placed one hand on the counter and leaned slightly forward.

His shirt sleeves were rolled up, showcasing his jeans. He wore a dark apron over it.

His hair, neatly tied back as he worked, reached down to his back, just like when I was at work.

That look really suited him well.

I suddenly thought about how things would be if Siyun and I were dating. How would we be spending time together now?

Thinking about it, probably not much would change. We’d still hold hands and go around, eating and drinking coffee like always.

Could we have worked at a café like this together?

“…”

I decided not to think about the possibilities.

Instead, I just kept watching Siyun.

Continuously,

Continuously.

*

As I stared blankly in front of me, I heard a soft, rhythmic breathing.

It wasn’t the usual sound I heard; it was a longer, gentler sound.

When I turned my head, I saw my older sister asleep, leaning against the wall.

Typically, in that position, a person might look a little disheveled, but my sister never looked like that.

She seemed like the heroine in a melodrama, quietly dreaming.

Did something happen yesterday?

I had never seen her look tired while working. She always worked regularly and diligently. This was the first time she looked so fatigued while dozing off.

But, on the other hand, she never told me what was wrong.

Honestly, I wanted to ask her a million things, but… still, I couldn’t.

It felt strange, being so close since childhood, and yet feeling a distance between us.

What were the first words I spoke to her the first time we met? And how could I get her to talk about what was on her mind when we were together?

I still didn’t know any of those things.

“…”

Slowly, although it was deliberate, I wasn’t even sure how slow it was.

I felt like, as much as I didn’t approach her, she didn’t come to me either.

When I thought we had become close, there were times it felt like there were even more things I didn’t know about her.

I took a blanket prepared behind the counter and gently draped it over her. It seemed she was asleep more deeply than I expected, as she didn’t notice at all.

I quietly stared at her face turned to the side.

Her fair cheek.

“… What are you thinking about?”

I wondered what dream she was having.

There was no answer. Maybe my whisper had been too quiet.

Of course, I didn’t want to wake her.

… Soon it would be my birthday.

Not the fake birthday etched on my ID, but the real birthday when I was born.

Every year on my birthday, my sister had given me gifts, big and small. Sometimes it was a little keychain, other times a toy.

They weren’t anything expensive or of high value, but I cherished all of them because they were gifts from my sister.

I had kept them all, not wanting to use them at all.

I wondered if those things were still around.

Would Mom still keep all those gifts I had collected?

“…”

This year, I probably won’t get a gift, right?

That was an inevitability. It was something predetermined the moment I crossed over to that other world.

Here, I was completely dead. There was no room for excuse.

My family, those two people, had seen me die.

In fact, it was because of that I was able to cross over to the other side.

Even if I had come over here looking as close to my original self as possible, and even if my name and birth date were exactly the same…

To my sister, I was a ‘different’ Cha Si-hyun.

… But.

But still,

If I had looked so much like my former self…

Was there any chance at all?

Perhaps, now, my relationship with her would have been much better, a little closer—

…

Sighing deeply, I let it all out.

All of it now felt like a meaningless assumption.

It was I who wished for this body; I was the one who asked to be made unrecognizable and into someone nobody knew.

The Goddess had certainly granted my wish.

Regretting it now wouldn’t change anything. And even if it had, things probably wouldn’t just work out perfectly.

So, I—

As long as I could stay here with my sister, that would be enough.

As long as I could keep watching her like this.

Continuously,

Continuously.