I am back – Chapter 83

I have someone I like.

That phrase kept spinning in my head.

Part of me thought it was no big deal; after all, it wasn’t weird at all. Yeah, it wasn’t strange. It had already been five years since then.

Whether my older sister liked someone, where she met that person, or what kind of person it was, it was definitely something that could happen.

Even if she hadn’t been able to forget me during that time, it wouldn’t be so odd. We had been close, after all. But that didn’t mean we were dating either.

But, would it really change anything even if we were dating?

To her, I was already a dead person, and it didn’t make sense for someone alive to keep clinging to the memory of a dead person.

And yet, on the other hand, I was still extremely confused.

Until now, I had never seen her show any signs of liking someone.

Yeah, it’s only been two months since I came back beside her. Of course, that time wasn’t that long. Compared to the five years, it was a really trivial amount of time that I was well aware of.

A short amount of time to find out how the people who remained lived after I disappeared.

But… at the same time, it was true that I had spent all my time with her except for one day a week. If she did like someone…

The “someone she likes” she mentioned must definitely imply someone she has romantic feelings for. Does it make sense that she doesn’t get in touch with such a person even once during the weekdays? If she liked someone, shouldn’t it be normal for her to show glimpses of that every now and then?

It’s strange. It was strange.

It was weird that she suddenly brought this up.

Especially today. At this timing.

…My heart thumped.

On one side of my head, there was resignation and understanding, while on the other side, there were questions.

And in most of the remaining space, a ‘certain possibility’ subtly arose.

Somewhere fluffy and warm—

—But at the same time, a thought that screamed ‘this shouldn’t happen.’

Just imagining it made me feel guilty, and just the thought that I had been hoping for such a thing made me reflect on how could I want that. A thought that might even be deemed ugly on one side.

My sister was still looking at me.

With her eyes reddened.

Looking at me with slightly bloodshot eyes.

In a somewhat disheveled state.

As if just waiting for my response.

“…”

“…”

For a moment, we stared at each other in silence.

Can she know what I’m thinking? Can she even guess what I’m thinking right now?

I couldn’t know what she was thinking. Not knowing is what kept my heart racing.

In the meantime, should I say it was lucky or unfortunate that no customers came in at all?

“Are you saying you’ll go meet the person you like?”

I barely opened my mouth to ask.

“Yeah.”

She nodded enthusiastically. Although her face looked like she could burst into tears again any moment, her voice remained steady.

“With me.”

“Yeah.”

As she spoke, my sister’s gaze shifted slightly. It seemed to be directed at her smartphone.

13:36


October 21st, Friday

The words on the smartphone were just like that.

Was she checking the time?

“What if…”

I swallowed hard and spoke.

“What if I say I won’t go with you? What would you do?”

“I’ll go by myself.”

She answered firmly.

Even now, my heart was pounding hard.

She says she would go even if I wasn’t there.

Without me.

“But then, what about the bakery…?”

“I’ll just close it. I can’t leave you all alone. I’ll let Ga-young know in advance too.”

“…”

Her resolve seemed set already. It seemed like she absolutely had to meet that person today.

My mind was still in chaos. I didn’t even know who this person my sister was talking about was. Could it be someone I knew? No, even if it was someone I knew, the ‘me’ now wouldn’t be the same as the person she knew. From her perspective, I’d be meeting someone for the first time today.

But despite that, she still said, “Let’s go together.”

…


The thought that had just recently come to my mind became clearer.

So, I was a little scared.

Scared, but somehow, I felt like I shouldn’t refuse here. In many ways.

“…Okay.”

I was scared, but for some reason, I thought I shouldn’t turn her down.

“…”

Looking quietly at me who was answering, my sister soon smiled and replied.

“Thank you.”

*

It appeared that the person my sister liked was quite far away.

We quickly changed our clothes and tidied up the store. Although there was still quite a bit of unsold bread left, my sister cleaned up without a trace of regret and shut the store’s doors.

Then, she took an A4 sheet of paper and posted it on the locked store door.

“Due to personal reasons, we will be closing our business for the afternoon.”

Surprisingly, not a single customer had come in during that time.

It was hard to believe that there could be so few customers at this hour.

Maybe it was a series of coincidences that echoed what I had felt when I first visited the store.

Neither my sister nor I had a car. I had left this world before even thinking about a driver’s license, and I didn’t know why my sister still didn’t have one. Maybe she had one after all. Regardless, even if you had a license, it wouldn’t be easy for someone so young to drive around a personal car.

Or perhaps there was some other reason.

We took the subway.

The subway traveled for quite a while without any transfers. Even after rising from the underground section to ground level.

The sky remained clear.

You might say it was parched in another sense.

Unlike when we were looking out from the store, the view from the subway at noon felt desolate in many ways. Perhaps it was because it was still working hours that there weren’t many people visible on the streets. All the trees showed bare branches, and hardly any cars were in sight.

At some point, empty fields began becoming visible.

…Ah.

Come to think of it, Chuseok had passed quite a while ago. It must have happened after I had come this way.

I wondered if it could feel strange to have a sense of time even while working. After all, I had forgotten time while working even on Chuseok. I didn’t have a hometown to go back to.

It seemed we had crossed the boundary of Seoul.

Come to think of it, neither my sister nor I had traveled outside of Seoul together. We had promised to go someday. But that promise never came to fruition.

For the first time, I had come this far with my sister, and the reason my heart was racing was not because of excitement.

My sister was silently gazing outside. Her pupils didn’t waver. Perhaps she was looking somewhere beyond the scenery, further away.

The reddish puffiness around her eyes, with the veins now visible, had returned to normal.

There was a steadfast determination in her eyes.

As if looking toward something she needed to overcome.

“…”

Those eyes were a little scary.

*

Getting off the subway, I arrived at a village.

At first glance, it looked pretty much like downtown Seoul. However, the buildings that seemed new and the wide roads, not to mention the sparse cars lining the street, felt unusually awkward. Individually, none of them looked weird, yet when seen together, it felt like ‘this wasn’t how it used to be.’

Maybe it was due to the long, straight road that didn’t bend at all in the middle? Perhaps this place had just been developed not too long ago. They might have bulldozed the old city center and built this flat place on an open field.

Looking at the large apartment complex in the distance, it seemed entirely plausible.

“This way.”

My sister took my hand.

And gently led me down one path.

Just like when she took me out to play during our childhood.

It wasn’t a strong grip that pulled me along, but I followed her with a dazed expression.

There were quite a few big buildings lined up, but it didn’t look like there were many people around. Maybe it would get busier after work hours.

Silently trailing behind my sister, the large buildings began gradually shrinking in size. The once broad and straight road slowly became thinner and more winding. The flat land now started to incline, and in the distance, I could see a single building.

That building on the low hill looked quite large. Unlike the bustling commercial buildings we had passed earlier, it was a more serene white building with a calm design. In front of the building was a large parking lot. Even though it was a weekday afternoon, the parking lot had quite a few cars. It wasn’t overflowing, but there were enough to notice.

“This is it.”

My sister said at the entrance of that building.

“Uh…”

And I was left speechless.

The area surrounding this building felt much quieter than the outside we had just walked through. The air felt heavy. The faces of people passing by us were solemn. Among them were those who walked past silently dressed completely in black.

A columbarium.

That’s what was written at the entrance of the building.