I am back – Chapter 85

“Si-hyun!”

When I shouted that, Si-hyun was already running far away.

It was my fault.

Who wouldn’t be scared if you suddenly showed them a coffin with your name on it? And on top of that, if you added “someone I like,” it definitely had a weird vibe.

I had resolved that if Si-hyun left my side, there was nothing I could do about it, but I had underestimated the situation.

No, it wasn’t just underestimation—it was cowardice. I was too afraid to explain beforehand, thinking Si-hyun might not come here, so I cowardly dragged him along impulsively.

It was all way too impulsive.

Everything that happened today was completely impulsive.

I was sure I had planned to give Si-hyun the gift on his birthday. I remembered the day as Si-hyun’s birthday, but the timing of the giving could be managed by me.

But last night, I impulsively grabbed the gift.

And without thinking, I brought it to work and just handed it to Si-hyun.

I even helped him put it around his neck right then and there.

Si-hyun seemed to like it. He really seemed to love that necklace.

If it had ended there, maybe it would have been okay. Even when I burst into tears, if I had just muddled through somehow, it might have been better. Si-hyun wouldn’t have known I was seeing him through the lens of someone else from my memories, and he wouldn’t have been so shocked.

Moreover…

There were countless complicated reasons behind Si-hyun’s reaction. It wasn’t just that his name overlapped with someone else’s. The sheer possibility evoked by that name could have sent chills down his spine.

…Thinking that if Si-hyun rejected me, I’d just have to accept it was just my personal thought. There was no way Si-hyun could read my mind; for him, it must have been nothing short of terrifying.

“Hah… Hah…”

I was out of breath.

Despite appearances, it seemed Si-hyun had a lot of stamina. Before I could do anything, he had already dashed out of my sight.

Honestly, I just wanted to collapse right there. To go hide in a corner, bang my head, and fall asleep, waking up to find it all over…

…But even so, the situation wouldn’t resolve itself.

Therefore, everything in the current situation was something I had to resolve.

Since Si-hyun was an adult, even if he disappeared like this, nothing would happen… but still.

I wanted to stay with Si-hyun a little longer.

…The reason wasn’t merely that I liked Si-hyun; that thought poked sharply at my heart.

*

After leaving the columbarium, I was at a loss about what to do.

It was cowardly to run away from my sister. The situation had originally turned out like this because of me.

I wished my sister would think of the past when she looked at me. That we could gradually get closer… and that, if possible, we could have a relationship where we could remain together.

I hoped my sister liked me.

Yet here I was, as soon as I confirmed that she was still unable to forget me, I was scared and running away.

What would my sister think?

I should have at least kept walking when she called me.

What was I running away for?

Another part of my mind mumbled inside my head.

It’s all my fault. Can running away really solve anything?

Thinking that way, my steps slowly came to a halt.

But the feeling of fear still hadn’t disappeared. Even when I faced the Demon King’s army on the battlefield, or when I confronted the Demon King for the last time, sacrificing my life, I had never been this scared.

I had inflicted such a deep wound on my sister and my mom. An injury so significant it would never be forgotten even if a lifetime passed.

How could I apologize, how could I make amends? How could I help them completely forget that wound?

That thought made me feel hopeless once again.

Perhaps, it would be absolutely impossible.

If a parent loses a child, and the person they loved dies horribly right before their eyes, it’s probably impossible to cover that memory with anything.

That reality hit me hard.

My sister must have been hurt.

She must have opened her heart enough to share that story with me, yet I turned and ran away at that crucial moment.

—So, as I stood dazed at that spot, I bumped into something, and my focus swayed forward.

But I didn’t fall forward. I was able to regain my balance by slightly stepping one foot forward.

It seemed I hadn’t noticed what was happening around me while my sister was on my mind.

“Si-hyun.”

I heard my sister’s voice right behind me. It was breathy. Had she been running after me?

In an instant, I almost blurted out “Sister,” but I hurriedly closed my mouth. I took a moment to gather my thoughts before slowly opening my mouth.

“…Sister.”

“Wait, wait a second. Let’s talk.”

She tightened her grip on my waist.

To be honest, the strength of her hold wasn’t that strong. I could have easily broken free if I wanted to… but no, that wouldn’t happen. I didn’t want to.

I could feel her warmth on my back.

“I… I’m sorry… so…”

My sister had no reason to apologize.

In her eyes, I would probably be someone entirely unrelated to ‘Cha Si-hyun.’

The name is the same.

But the gender and appearance are different. The birthday is also different.

While our personalities and habits may be similar, that alone could never make her think of me as the ‘same person.’

And yet, my sister was clinging to me like this.

How desperate must she have been all this time… all this time?

“…”

After clearing my throat, I slowly opened my mouth.

“Okay, let’s do that.”

*

After that, we headed to a café.

There happens to be a café near the columbarium. But we both needed a little time.

We walked for about 10 minutes.

Without a word, we strolled side by side, entering a café that just happened to come into view.

My sister and I sat across from each other in a cozy corner of the café.

Inside the shop, it was warm, unlike the outside.

Each of us sat across from one another with a warm cup of coffee in front of us, and for a while, we were silent.

Both my sister and I were choosing our words carefully.

What should I say, how should I say it?

Honestly, I didn’t think it was a good idea for me to start speaking first. The gap was just too huge between the mistakes I made and the mistakes she might make.

“That kid, Cha Si-hyun…”

Having gathered herself somehow, my sister slowly began to speak.

“That kid is someone I like.”

“Someone you like…?”

At my words, my sister took a small breath.

“I like him. Even now. Not once have I forgotten him since he left this world.”

“…”

My sister’s words were far more destructive than I had anticipated.

If it had been about another guy, my mind wouldn’t have gone blank like this. My mouth would have felt bitter and my heart would be aching, but that would be it. I might have tried to rationalize that this outcome was inevitable.

But right now, this was addressed to me.

My sister didn’t know, but the Cha Si-hyun she was talking about was the same person as me.

So for her to say that about my past right in front of me was, in essence, confessing to me.

I felt quite pathetic just thinking about it.

Just a moment ago, I felt guilt about her words, thinking it was all my fault, yet hearing her say this directly filled me with joy.

Of course, that didn’t mean the guilt disappeared. It still weighed heavily on my heart.

But at the same time, I felt hope.

I bit my lip tightly.

If I opened my mouth like this, I might unknowingly spill everything about myself to her, and end up saying, “I like you too.”

But just a little while ago, I had been to see… the coffin. Even if my soul is here, the evidence of my death lies just a ten-minute walk from here.

And my sister was the most certain witness to having seen me die.

Saying such things here would likely seem like a joke at best.

Thinking about that made me feel dark again.

…Thus, with each of my sister’s words, my feelings continued to ascend and fall dramatically.

Ah, I really liked her this much.

Maybe the reason I was able to fight so fiercely against the Demon King’s army over there was because I believed I could return here once it was all over.

…In a world like this, it would be nice if we could help each other live.

Maybe that was why I had found it so hard to openly discuss the true reason.

“And I…”

My sister hesitated before gathering her breath again.

Struggling, she started to let out one word after another.

“I feel like I’m overlapping you with him.”