I am back – Chapter 86

My heart was pounding like crazy.

I was afraid my older sister sitting across from me would hear the sound of my heart.

Truthfully, I had been feeling a bit anxious.

She was watching me closely as I sipped my coffee. Every time I winced, she stared at me as if something occurred to her.

Sometimes, she’d gaze at me blankly when I smiled.

She would casually call my name, only to flinch in surprise—

—or give me a birthday present on a day that had nothing to do with my identity as ‘Cha Si-hyun.’

Today was my birthday.

It wasn’t just a date engraved on an ID for everyone to see; it was, quite literally, the day I was ‘born.’

…To be honest, thinking that day still holds significance until now might be incorrect.

In some sense, I had already been reborn twice.

But even so.

That day was the first day I met my mom after being born.

I had no memories of my father, but I was always happy when I was with my mom.

And because I had that mom, I got to meet my older sister.

Because my mom was there, because I met my sister, I couldn’t despair over my life. I couldn’t hate myself.

If I had been born into a wealthier family, in a country with better welfare, I might have imagined myself being born in a completely different world, not this one.

But no matter where I was born, I wouldn’t be me. The people I love wouldn’t be there.

What I feel is home is that damp basement, that neighborhood filled with those red-brick houses.

The neighborhood where my sister and mom are.

The reason I could grow attached to all of that is that I was born here. It was the day I began to meet all my precious things.

So, I didn’t want to forget that birthday of mine.

“So…”

I opened my mouth. The voice that came out trembled severely.

“…”

But after that, I had nothing more to say. What could I say? Is it okay still? It wasn’t something I should say right after running away from my sister moments ago.

Besides…

“I’m sorry. What I’m about to say might make you angry…”

“It’s okay.”

At her words, I nodded and spoke. I tried to maintain my expression as much as possible. I didn’t want to burden her while she spoke.

As much as possible, I planned to keep a calm expression while listening to her words.

That was all I could do right now anyway.

“…I didn’t think of you like that from the very beginning. When I first saw you… yeah, I thought you were a bit pitiful. I don’t know your past completely, so I can’t say much,”

Her gaze as she looked at me was sad.

“You looked like a child with some kind of wound.”

“…”

At that time, I had just crossed over to this world and was filled with a sense of loss. I thought I would never see my comrades again, and I never imagined I could get this close to my sister again.

“Maybe when you first said you were going to get a part-time job, I accepted it out of pity. …I know it’s not my place to say this, but at first, I had the mindset of helping you.”

That sounded exactly like her. I thought my sister wouldn’t just leave someone in trouble alone.

“When I first heard your name was Cha Si-hyun, I was surprised. It’s the same name as the person I like. But… you’re a girl, right? And you’re of a different age, living in a different place. You have different hobbies too. So at first, I thought, oh, there’s someone with the same name, how interesting.”

Indeed, I had changed over the five years. The person who used to be inactive now exercises every morning, and I spend my days training with my comrades.

Of course, compared to what I had done over the past five years, the intensity was weak. If we had to compare, it was just a level of jogging and gymnastics anyone could do.

Even so, it was something I would never have done before.

“But… the more time I spend with you, the more I keep seeing that girl overlapping with you. I don’t know why. Each little action, every expression… reminds me of the Siyun I knew. I tried to pull myself together. After all, you’re not the Siyun I know.”

“…”

“At first, I tried to deny it, but no. You’re similar. If it’s a coincidence, it’s a cruel coincidence, but as time goes on, I became more certain. Your smile is just like the Siyun I knew. Your way of speaking, your actions. And even the food you like. If you were much younger and I had spent more time, I might have thought you were Siyun reincarnated.”

That sounded like a joke, but my sister’s expression was endlessly serious.

…Reincarnation.

Thinking about it, it wasn’t entirely a wrong thing to say, so I quietly listened to her with a serious expression.

“So…”

My sister lowered her head slightly.

At the end of her gaze was the coffee cup in front of her. The cup was still warm, and steam was rising from it.

The aromatic scent was still wafting from the coffee. It almost seemed to have a slight fruity scent.

“Yeah, it’s been five years already. The girl has passed away. If someone heard this, they might ask if I’m still stuck on that incident. They might say I have to overcome it and move on.”

“…”

If the roles were reversed, could I do that? Would I have been able to overcome the wound of losing my sister? Would I have been able to accept her death, leave the dead as dead, and walk my own path?

No, I definitely wouldn’t have been able to.

Who knows how I would feel after 20 or 30 years? But for me, that five-year period was… too short a time to forget my sister.

So I came back, like this.

With the excuse of not breaking the fact that the people I loved had forgotten and moved on.

“But I…”

My sister bit her lower lip for a moment, then looked up to meet my gaze.

There was strength in her eyes.

“Can I ask you one thing?”

“Yes, yes…”

As I stumbled a bit in my response under her gaze, she nodded and continued.

“I know that I have to overcome this. Of course, I don’t want to forget, but to live, I eventually have to become strong.”

“Yeah…”

It might be terribly sad for my sister to forget me.

But if she continued to be tormented because of that memory, I could let go. I would never say ‘willingly,’ but I would drag my feet, reluctantly, with parting words, glancing back several times. But still—

—that determination was shattered by my sister’s next words.

“But, as I spend time with you, I’ve realized that… I still need Siyun. I know it’s disturbing to hear. I also know it sounds terribly selfish.”

It’s not bothering me.

I wouldn’t care if it’s selfish.

No, I hoped it was selfish.

That thought crossed my mind.

“Since you started working at our bakery, my life has changed a lot. Until then, I just mechanically went back and forth between work and home, but now I look forward to tomorrow and found joy in working. The time spent talking with you was so enjoyable…”

“…”

“…Yeah, I was aware that it was because the person in my memories and you resembled each other, and I knew that you would shudder if you found out. So, I kept thinking I had to quit. I even thought maybe I should tell you… but here we are anyway.”

I clenched my fists under the table.

I had a slight idea about what my sister was about to say.

My heart had been racing heavily since earlier.

“You might shudder hearing such words from another girl. But… yeah, I promise. I’ll never cross the line. I won’t go beyond it…”

With tears welling just slightly at the corners of her eyes, my sister said that to me.

“Just a little, just a little longer, will you stay by my side? Just until I can move forward. Just that long…”

“…”

I bit my lip.

A moment of silence.

My sister was still looking at me with slightly terrified eyes.

The answer I had to give—

—was the only one I could give.

“…Yes.”

“…Huh?”

At my answer, my sister’s eyes widened as if she thought I would absolutely refuse.

“…You helped me too, so.”

“…Ah.”

That’s right. My sister helped me too.

In the short life I lived here, my sister guided me all the way.

Even after I came back to this world.

Even at this moment, my sister was summoning her courage to guide me.

So… I’m sorry, sister.

This kind of request should have come from me.

“Thank you. Really…”

My sister said, rubbing her eyes with her sleeve.

It should have been me saying thank you.

I just felt embarrassed by myself, staring down at my coffee.

The black coffee revealed nothing at the bottom.