I am back – Chapter 94

Huh…?

My older sister’s expression suddenly grew serious at my words.

I certainly didn’t say anything I shouldn’t have… right? Probably.

But I couldn’t be sure of that.

Five years is a long time if you think about it, but short if you don’t. The military was shorter than the five years I spent in Irrelaysia, but those who’ve been through it say they sometimes dream about it for the rest of their lives. If such a brief period can leave that sort of impact, then I, having spent five years on the battlefield, might have been affected in ways I don’t even realize.

…Actually, saying “I didn’t realize” is technically incorrect. I know I’ve changed. It’s not that becoming a woman is the issue, but the fact that I’m sometimes seized by fear at night, or that I even carry a pocket knife in my bag at this very moment, knowing that without it I’d feel terribly anxious.

Still, there might be other parts where I’ve become strange without even realizing it.

Thinking it’s natural to spend time with others… doesn’t seem all that strange, does it? After all, isn’t it common for women to live together? Well, I’m not too sure since it’s just something I heard, but I’ve heard it’s quite frequent for girl groups to do that. The same goes for the opposite gender.

So, let’s move past that.

Then, is the problem the fact that I teamed up with friends to punish a bad person?

…Uh.

That seems to be a problem.

I had to phrase it that way because I couldn’t exactly say we captured the Demon King as allies, but even that vague statement felt like a big deal in this country.

It wasn’t even that hot, but I felt a drop of sweat streaming down my back.

Even if my sister thinks that I captured someone really terrible, she probably wouldn’t think I was talking about a war criminal or a terrorist trying to overthrow the state. The most she could probably imagine would be an ordinary person living in modern society.

And… okay, the notion of good and bad can totally be a personal perspective.

From my sister’s view, she might think I captured a person along with my friends alive. Considering if it were a truly terrible person, she probably thinks I could just report them to the police instead.

Moreover, I currently have a pocket knife in my bag. My sister didn’t know about that, though.

“…….”

Uh, how do I deny that?

Should I just pour everything out to my sister?

No, if I did that, I’d just be treated like a lunatic. I couldn’t afford to distance myself from here again.

In the end, I chose to remain silent before my sister, beads of sweat forming on my forehead, unable to move forward or backward.

I can only hope to steer the conversation in a different direction.

*

After I asked, “Really?” Siyun answered, and her face started to slowly turn pale.

Seeing that, I couldn’t help but be flustered.

After all, just a moment ago, Siyun had been smiling as if she was enjoying herself. She had looked a bit surprised at my sudden question, but she was definitely enjoying the conversation.

But once we started talking about that ‘bad person,’ Siyun’s face began to turn blue.

She had been laughing just moments before when I mentioned catching a bad person.

…Ah.

Right, if I say “bad person,” it’s probably someone really bad. From the way Siyun looked, she didn’t seem like the kind of kid who would take an ordinary person and label them as bad.

So why did Siyun choose to deal with that person herself? If she’s the trustworthy type, wouldn’t her instinct be to report the bad person to the police when she met them?

“……”

Suddenly, I remembered the first day I met Siyun.

She walked into the store hesitantly, glancing around as if she didn’t know what to do.

The way she hesitated in front of the bread and coffee. Accepting a person’s goodwill awkwardly… and above all, how she had made the journey all the way to that shop far from home.

Was it a 40-minute subway ride?

The bakery I work at was somewhat well-known around the area. But if you asked if it was famous enough for someone to come from afar, I really didn’t think it fit that bill. I was confident in the bread I bake and the coffee I brew, but I never thought I’d reach a level that would attract visitors nationwide.

So, Siyun probably stumbled upon that bakery by chance.

…How long would it take to walk a distance that takes 40 minutes by subway? Two hours? Three?

It was quite a long time and quite a distance, but I didn’t think it was a distance one couldn’t walk.

I had memories of wandering around for two or three hours in a daze near my home. Shortly after I started working at the bakery, I had tried to soothe the emptiness I felt on my days off by wandering aimlessly in the neighborhood.

Then one day, I visited the church, and the pastor asked me, with a smile, what I thought about doing volunteer activities together, which led to the continued volunteer work until now.

At least during those volunteer activities, I could forget that emptiness.

Like I told Siyun, during that time, I felt like I had become a slightly better person.

…Maybe Siyun just kept walking like that?

Thinking about it, Siyun had to cross the Han River to get here from where she lives.

Why did Siyun want to cross that long bridge?

“No!”

I shouted without realizing it. Siyun, who was holding a fry in her hand, jumped in surprise and dropped it.

“Ah, I-I’m sorry…”

I let my thoughts run wild and startled her.

“Ah, no, it’s okay.”

Siyun blinked blankly as she replied.

Looking into those innocent eyes of hers, the same bad thoughts began to rise up once again.

If that bad person deceived Siyun or did something ‘bad’ to her…

Yet, if there’s no evidence or it’s too late to report it, then she might not have been able to take action against that person at all.

Then I could somewhat understand why she had shown that gesture when we first met.

Of course, this is just my fantasy, and I’m not sure what Siyun has actually been through or who that bad person was.

For some reason, I kept thinking that.

*

“……”

“……”

Hmm.

This is the first time we’re sitting across from each other drinking, and after a few starter comments, I found myself at a loss for words.

Right now, both my sister and I were women, but… how should I put it?

The masculinity still clinging to me was adamantly telling me to ‘lead’ my sister.

But how?

When I asked this, the masculinity inside me fell silent.

That’s right. I didn’t know what to say when sitting across from a woman drinking.

After all, I had spent five years with those four women!

Of course, I couldn’t develop a romantic relationship with any of them since I couldn’t forget my sister, and more than anything, the situation was what it was. Except for a few brief days of rest, we always rolled around in the dirt on the battlefield, sometimes even covered in blood.

So, feeling romance with those four women aside, I hadn’t even learned how to behave when talking to women. I just found that we naturally conversed after rolling around the battlefield together.

Honorifics had casually slipped into casual speech.

But still.

Still, in this situation, I had to say something!

There was no way I could awkwardly end the conversation like this.

So, I just threw out anything that came to mind that might lead to a casual conversation.

“Do you like amusement parks?”

“Amusement park?”

My sister looked at me with interest as she replied.

“Yeah, amusement parks.”

“Um…”

She appeared to ponder for a moment before responding.

“If I had to say whether I like it or not, I do. But I haven’t been often…”

“Ah, then do you like riding the rides?”

“Um, I think they were a bit scary when I was younger.”

“Ah, I thought they were scary when I was a kid too, but when I rode them again recently, I found them to be more fun than I remembered, to the point where I couldn’t understand why I was so afraid as a child—”

“—Recently?”

My sister cut me off mid-sentence.

When I looked at her, she was staring at me with wide eyes.

“Ah, I, um, that was when I went to the amusement park with some friends on my last day off…”

“With friends, you mean the ones you live with?”

My sister’s voice was soft.

But oddly enough, that softness didn’t just feel soft.

What should I say?

I felt like I might have gotten this feeling when talking to Kalia’s family before.

A softness that’s sharp.

Laying a gentle demeanor over a question laced with some hidden intent, like a curtain standing under a blanket.

…Eh, I’m probably just imagining it.

Why would my sister have any reason to give me such a vibe?

“Ah, yeah, with the kids I was with…”

“Hmm…”

My sister replaced her response with a nasal sound and muttered,

“Is that so.”

Um…

Is it possible that I’m mistaken?