I Became the Childhood Friend of the Northern Duchess – Chapter 53

Chapter 15: Helene’s Diary

Helene’s diary was mostly filled with trivial events from the Robeheim family.

For example, the day Ariel took her first steps.

Or when Helene’s friend visited the Robeheim household.

Even the day Yulken returned home after conquering the foreign tribes.

There was so much content that, despite Edgar’s fast reading speed, it took quite some time to get through.

So much so that even after finishing the meal Shepi brought during the reading, there seemed to be no end in sight.

Helene quietly waited through this long ordeal, answering his questions and offering affirmations here and there.

Whenever slightly embarrassing or personal topics came up, she would whine for him to skip ahead, but that was about it.

“Ariel has been a hard worker since she was little.”

That was Edgar’s brief reflection as he read the last notebook.

Perhaps because Helene had so much affection for her daughter, the diary was full of accounts of Ariel’s first achievements, and reading it brought her past vividly to mind.

On the other hand, Helene found Edgar’s observation quite surprising.

“You’re probably the only one who would call that girl a hard worker. Everyone else says the same thing.”

“A genius, right?”

“Heh, yes.”

When Edgar smirked knowingly, Helene smiled in response.

As a mother, she knew how much Ariel worked hard in places unseen by others.

However, it felt strange that even a boy who wasn’t constantly under the same roof could recognize that.

‘This boy doesn’t just see Ariel’s surface.’

When people become blinded by talent, they often fail to see others’ efforts.

In fact, they become incapable of seeing them.

That’s why when people talked to Helene about Ariel, they would invariably throw around comments like,

“You must be so proud to have such a genius daughter, ma’am.”

Every time, Helene felt an inexplicable displeasure.

Why does no one recognize that girl’s efforts?

They seemed to trivialize everything about her with just that one word: genius.

But he wasn’t the only one.

“I think the word ‘genius’ can be quite cruel. No matter how high the wall may seem, it can be diminished and expressed with just that one word, despite the hard work of someone putting in relentless effort.”

“Ah…”

Helene let out a small sigh at what she felt was a perfect reflection of her thoughts.

“That’s why I don’t really like the term genius. It’s like no one will realize the number of books she’s read or the times she’s practiced magic.”

Edgar kept reading the diary, calmly stating this while not making proper eye contact with Helene.

As she watched him, a gentle smile crept across Helene’s lips.

It was the smile she often showed when teasing Ariel.

However, Edgar, oblivious, continued to read the diary with his eyes.

“It increasingly feels like you’re the only one fit to sit beside our daughter.”

“Cough!”

Edgar, who was tilting his teacup while holding the diary with one hand, choked at the unexpected comment.

Thankfully, he didn’t spray tea all over the diary, but he struggled and coughed instead.

“Are you okay, Edgar?”

“I’m… fine. I didn’t expect you to say such a thing…”

“Oops, sorry. I didn’t think it would startle you that much; I should’ve held back on the jokes.”

While she was curious about how he’d react if she claimed it wasn’t a joke, that wasn’t what mattered right now, so Helene decided to back off for the moment.

After all, she didn’t envision this boy being torn away from Ariel anyway, so she could afford to think about it leisurely.

‘It seems he doesn’t fully understand his own feelings, does he?’

To think this child, who seemed so mature, had such a side to him.

Perhaps he was so mature that he ended up overthinking things.

Anyway, feeling exhilarated that she had unearthed a good moment, a little hum escaped her lips.

*Tap.*

At that moment, Edgar closed the last diary and nodded slightly.

He had a look as if he had realized something significant.

Helene reached out for the diary, wanting to continue while maintaining a gentle gaze on him in silence.

What could he be thinking? An innate curiosity bubbled up within her.

“It’s hard to express my impressions after reading it.”

“In what sense?”

“I mean it in the most literal sense. If anything, it’s closer to anger, but… mostly it feels like sadness. It’s a mix of emotions.”

Stealing a glimpse into someone else’s family affairs is not a light matter.

And it was somewhat expected content.

However, that didn’t lighten the weight of this matter at all.

“I’m sure you’ve gone through quite a bit of mental turmoil, too, ma’am.”

“…But it’s nowhere near as bad as for the two of them. It was almost like I was just passively observing the situation.”

Edgar shook his head sadly as he looked at Helene, who demeaned herself.

What was in this diary wasn’t merely a misunderstanding between a father and daughter.

No, it was likely more than a misunderstanding, making it even more challenging.

This situation felt like nothing more than a scripted play.

A script where, under the pretense of caring for the family and daughter, the daughter was actually neglected—how laughable.

“Ariel might bear resentment towards the father she admires so much, but he chose to play the villain to make her stronger… that was His Majesty’s intent, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, it must have been around the time Ariel was about four years old.”

While Helene had become the mistress of the Robeheim family, there were still whispers about her.

Some were quickly expressing concerns over having only one heir, no less a girl and not a strong son.

Naturally, Helene was at the center of those discussions.

Having been able to give birth to only one heir.

Although she had married knowing that, when the matter actually came to light, Yulken must have felt the burden of carrying such a weight on his shoulders.

Yet Yulken loved her too much to abandon Helene for the family’s sake.

Thus, his conclusion was simple.

To raise his daughter as an heir who wouldn’t be looked down upon by anyone.

That way, no one would criticize his wife, and the family would flourish—it seemed like the right thing to do.

“To put it negatively, it looks like he had more love for his wife than for his daughter.”

“Perhaps so. While it’s something to be thankful for as a wife, it’s also regrettable. My husband loves me, yet he treats my beloved daughter cruelly.”

It was a paradoxical statement.

Moreover, to Edgar, it appeared that Yulken’s thoughts weren’t limited to that.

Was he merely raising his daughter harshly to mold her into an heir?

If he thought so one-dimensionally, he wouldn’t have been a man Helene would fall for.

He likely thought about the subsequent events as well; at least that was Edgar’s inference.

“Could it be that His Majesty was considering something like an ‘absolute position’?”

“Absolute position?”

Helene’s eyes widened at the unexpected word.

“Considering the contents of this diary and the lady’s words… ultimately, the retainers at that time must have been eager to undermine you.”

“That’s correct.”

“But what if His Majesty treated his daughter excessively harshly, and Helene, the lady, lovingly embraced her? Where do you think Ariel’s heart would lean?”

Clearly, the answer was predetermined.

Helene had already heard her daughter utter many times that Mom was better than Dad.

As that thought reached its conclusion, a small sigh escaped her lips.

Absolute position. So it’s all about that.

“As I’m oblivious to the power struggles between retainers or within the family… at least in terms of the heir and retainers, it’s always a matter of watching the lord’s demeanor.”

“…….”

“Thus, by having Ariel, the heir, lean toward her mother, His Majesty might have actually enhanced Helene’s presence.”

It seems changing people’s perceptions is hard, yet it often isn’t as difficult as it appears.

If Ariel could conform to being the perfect heir according to Yulken’s will, while simultaneously being seen as ‘a child nurtured with a loving mother, despite a harsh father’?

That would surely serve as an opportunity to establish Helene’s presence within this family.

At the same time, when Ariel truly ascended to the position of head of the family, her affections and connects would also point toward Helene.

In that case, her standing would naturally rise further.

As someone who received the greatest interest of the current head of the family, not just an heir.

“Yet that doesn’t mean His Majesty’s decisions were correct. No, it’s rather infuriating.”

“If it’s about treating Ariel harshly, I can apologize in his stead, but… the insult aimed at him…”

“No, Lady Helene. That’s not what I mean.”

Edgar shook his head firmly, trying to deter Helene, who was misinterpreting his point.

The core issue isn’t that.

Was the reason Yulken made such choices purely for the sake of the greater good?

Edgar focused on that point.

For the family, for the beloved wife, and for the daughter who would one day become the heir.

In a way, he diminished the opinions of those around him, and even further, he might have forfeited the bonds with his daughter.

Could one truly say it was as simple as that?

No, absolutely not.

Even if Edgar wasn’t the person involved, he could be confident about that.

“I’m just angered by the man’s complacency. The thought that he believed Ariel could be happy regardless of his actions reflects his irresponsible mindset.”

Undoubtedly, that would be his reasoning.

Even if a child grew up without much paternal love, with sufficient maternal affection, she could still be happy, he thought.

That he only needed to take on the role of the villain.

But among those who live harboring the perception of being neglected by their father, how many could truly say they were happy?

Can a child who received love solely from her mother sincerely claim to be happy?

In positive terms, this might be termed the spirit of sacrifice, but in reality, it was nothing more than complacency.

Trivializing a child’s happiness and presuming she could cope was where Edgar’s anger stemmed.

“Moreover, he likely must have understood that you wouldn’t refuse when he presented these views to Lady Helene.”

“…….”

Helene couldn’t contradict Edgar’s words.

Considering the husband she had known until now, he was truly a man capable enough to reach such conclusions.

The reason Helene was unable to reject his opinions was simple.

The person he’d leveraged as a hostage at the time of his demands was none other than Yulken, herself.

“If I can’t mold her into an heir, my standing will be shaken.” She persuaded that way.

He understood how much she loved Yulken, and so, there was no way Helene could contest.

What could Helene possibly argue against his statements—she had been too busy mired in self-pity, completely helpless in those days when she felt she could crumble at any moment.

‘By the time misunderstanding became reality, she probably had no choices left.’

Edgar looked at Helene with a heart of pity, unable to find any words.

She must have pondered many times.

To let their daughter know about this and prove to them why this mother-daughter duo deserved understanding.

In fact, that was likely the closest thing to a correct answer. Surely there would have been ways to achieve it.

Yet, she couldn’t decide.

To gain something, one must be prepared to lose something.

Helene had lacked that resolve.

She must have hesitated at the thought of shattering the sandcastle her beloved had painstakingly built by sacrificing his bond with their daughter.

‘It’s tough.’

As she suddenly sank into her seat and began to weep openly, Edgar could offer no consolation.

The most heartbreaking aspect of this situation was that no one could conclusively say who had erred.

Even if Edgar’s anger were directed at Yulken, if the question arose of whose fault it was, there would be no definitive answer.

The complexities of life and the world arise from the absence of clear definitions when distinguishing black from white.

Even though this world is as varied as a palette, it does not automatically break down those definitions into colors.

Some may term one as black and others as white.

To some eyes, black and white might seem indistinguishable, equal in status.

This family’s story was just like that.

“Ugh…! Hwaah!”

Helene poured out her sorrow as if the castle itself were collapsing, lacing her despair with self-reproach.

Everyone recognized it was all her fault.

The reason her beloved husband made such radical choices, the reason her daughter sorrowed for not receiving a father’s love.

Because she had remained silent then.

Because she had been born under such a curse.

Because she had not been strong enough to protect someone.

This foolish woman who couldn’t act one way or the other received titles of wife and mother from some.

Their sincere affection and respect only deepened her pain.

‘What a laughable tale.’

That it culminated in such a conclusion, given that they loved and trusted each other.

Edgar gently patted Helene’s back, committing himself to the poignant symphony of sorrow.

As his attention drifted to the window, he noticed the sky had grown dim.

Regrettably, while he felt sorry for Ariel, it seemed unlikely they would conclude this story within today.

How much better it would be if determining right from wrong were simple.

But on the other hand, he also felt this realization.

Because it wasn’t anyone’s fault, it wouldn’t end solely as a tale of sorrow for one person.

It would be nice if there could be at least one happy ending where everyone is content. That’s what he thought.