This World is too Cruel to Men – Chapter 149

Disappearance, and Rift.

When those two words intertwine, it’s rare for a Hero Candidate not to know what it means.

And for good reason! If you’re aspiring to be a hero, it’s something you inevitably learn at least once, regardless of your will.

So… let’s talk about the Anothers.

Those grotesque beings, with an appearance as if they’ve been pieced together from the remnants of bugs, have equally bizarre dietary habits.

Because of that, whenever a Rift occurs, it’s incredibly common for a disappearance report to be filed.

Naturally, it can’t be any other way.

They eat humans, after all.

Not leaving even a single bone behind.

So how could you possibly find a missing person?

Hence, reports of disappearances due to Rift occurrences are practically death notifications.

That’s when the thought struck me.

Death.

That very word burrowed deep into my mind.

Maybe that’s why.

No matter how many times I repeated to myself it couldn’t be true, it felt like the ground beneath my feet was slowly crumbling.

And where I fell to was water.

A deep water that seemed to have no end or, thus, no glimmer of light.

‘Why…’

Why is it always like this?

Why me?

Why do the things I love vanish so quickly and transiently?

What did I do wrong? What did I mess up that always makes it so that only I… only I…

My legs, no, my whole body lacked any strength.

Even though I felt something slipping from my hands, I couldn’t bring myself to grab onto it.

As a result, things fell with a thud and scattered around my feet.

It was then that I heard someone rushing over here.

“Ch-Chairman?! Are you okay? You look…”

Who could it be?

Could it be… Dogun?

I thought so, but it was a woman’s voice that reached me.

Maybe she got worried because the person who said they would take a quick call hadn’t come back.

“I think I… overdid it a bit.”

“W-well, you should at least go to the infirmary…”

“No, just… let me catch my breath a moment. Can you take care of these for me?”

“Ah… Sure!”

And so I started walking, leading my shaky legs.

I had no destination.

No, there couldn’t have been one from the start.

If there were such a thing, I wouldn’t feel like I had lost my way like this.

I thought I’d finally found the path—

But the more time I spent with Dogun, I began to wonder if I might be able to envision ‘the next’ after all, yet here I was, back at square one.

Does that mean I have to repeat those moments again?

I’m skeptical if a being like God truly exists, but if they do, I thought they must be cruel.

If it was destined to be like this, then why even offer hope?

If only I hadn’t known about the radiant thing that blinded me, I wouldn’t feel this despair so sharply when I found myself lost once again.

Despair gradually tightened its grip around my throat.

“I… can’t…”

I couldn’t breathe properly; my chest felt tight.

I thumped my chest with my clenched fists, hoping to ease the pressure.

Yet, the tightness showed no signs of letting up.

“Why… why only me…”

I hadn’t wished for much.

Just… one thing, nothing more, nothing less, just one thing.

Was that too much to ask for?

And that’s why I’m being punished for my greed?

If that’s the case, it seemed truly cruel.

If you’re going to take everything away, you could at least not let me taste it.

If that were the case, I wouldn’t be grieving, nor would I be resenting anyone.

I felt bitter.

A world that wouldn’t even spare a moment of calm nor allow me to dream of the next step took everything from me.

That kid, who had a talent that others wished for but couldn’t attain, though I don’t even know what they did.

Everything I laid my eyes on felt resentful.

Even the very spot I was standing in.

Why am I standing here?

I had simply walked endlessly, but everywhere I went was littered with memories of you… I saw you wherever I turned.

No matter how many times I turned my head, no matter how much I tried to ignore what was visible, it didn’t change.

That realization felt horrifying.

You were all around me, yet you were gone.

I thought I had forgotten how to cry long ago.

After losing mom and dad like that, and when the investigation into the enemy fumbled along, I had cried my heart out and hadn’t shed a tear since.

Even when the loneliness became unbearable, even during their anniversaries, it remained unchanged.

And I believed this fact wouldn’t change in the future… but suddenly, something started flowing from my tear ducts.

It slipped through and ran down my cheek.

It felt like there was a hole in some part of my body.

Inside that hole, something had just sprouted but now had no direction to go, only screaming in agony that it would be abandoned in the end.

If you disappear like this, what am I supposed to do?

Now that it has just sprouted, only to grow further, what am I supposed to do with that…

It became frustrating again.

So like before, I thumped my chest.

But no matter how many times I tried, no matter how hard I hit, the pain outside couldn’t overcome what was inside.

If only I could bruise or break a bone, maybe things would change a bit.

Yeah, perhaps that might be the case.

So, like I had done until now, I raised my hand.

I raised it, clenched it, and put my strength into it.

“S-Senior?!”

And just like that, someone grabbed my hand.

“Let go…!”

“Why are you suddenly acting like this?! Huh?!”

“Let go of me…!”

Why are you stopping me?

I thought I wouldn’t be able to endure it if I didn’t do this.

I know that if I didn’t do this, I wouldn’t be able to bear it.

This was the only way left.

So please… let go.

“Please…! Stay with us, Senior!”

You promised to be by my side.

That at least until the exams… you promised to be here with me.

If you’re going to act like this, then why make promises at all?

If it’s going to be like this… then… if only I had confessed, if only I had said that should I ever dream of ‘the next’, I’d like you to be by my side then too… would it have been a bit better?

If that were the case, I wouldn’t feel as anguished thinking about how my heart, just born, is forever abandoned and rotting away in a place devoid of light.

In the end… am I going to have to live another tomorrow without someone again?

Is that my fate?

If so, I’d rather time just stopped here.

If time continues to flow like this, eventually, a ‘tomorrow’ without you will find me.

And I’ll be trapped in that.

I know how hellish that time is because I’ve experienced it longer than anyone.

No, perhaps it would be even more horrific than before.

Certainly, it would be.

If before I at least had you, now I would have ‘you’ missing as well.

Could I endure that?

What’s certain is that time passing won’t make things better.

The sadness and longing are nearly indistinguishable; both only grow larger with the passing of time.

That fact felt truly horrifying.

Even if I try harder here, even if I bear it, the truth that it won’t ever get any better felt truly dreadful.

So maybe… it’s better to just give up here.

If it’s my fate to never find hope, to never dream… isn’t it right to just accept it?

‘If I let go of everything here…’

Would it be better then?

I couldn’t know.

And understandably so, because I’ve only ever endured this far.

I foolishly held on thinking that if I could just endure, someday I’d be better.

So, I didn’t know, but… until I try everything, I wouldn’t know.

Didn’t Dogun say something similar?

That it couldn’t hurt to at least try something.

So—

“Teacher! Over here! Teacher!”

“What on earth is happening…?”

“I’ll explain it all later! Hurry! We might have an accident!”

“Y-yeah…!”

And so… I suppose I was lost in just repeating those words endlessly.

And then something flew at me, striking my body, and my vision turned pitch black.