This World is too Cruel to Men – Chapter 30

“Of course…”

You really didn’t notice, huh?

I had a feeling this would happen, but actually experiencing it left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Yet at the same time, I felt a sense of relief.

That’s why I was confused.

I wished Dogun could understand how I felt.

Then maybe this frustration would be somewhat alleviated.

But what if he finds out and rejects me?

I just wanted things to stay like this… just like this.

My heart kept tightrope walking between the two, making it hard even for me to figure out what I truly desired.

In the meantime, I had to keep my expression neutral like usual, which made it even worse.

That’s why I felt thankful for borrowing Dogun’s scarf in this situation.

What if I didn’t have even that?

No doubt he would have caught my downturned lips dragging me down.

“Then… I’ll head inside?”

“…Yup.”

So today will end like this.

“What a foolish girl…”

If I’m going to muster up courage, I should do it decisively! Not cower by nervously hiding my face next to the Pepero box!

Self-loathing and humiliation bubbled inside me, prompting me to hastily turn away.

If it showed up on my face, it would surely be an ugly sight.

I wanted to show only the good and pretty sides of myself; I definitely didn’t want to reveal a twisted expression to Dogun.

Even though I hurriedly turned away, my steps still moved slowly, courtesy of the faintest “what if…” ringing in my heart.

After all, you never know, right?

I didn’t want to rush and miss my chance.

So I intentionally walked slowly, but perhaps the heavens heard my ardent prayer.

Dogun’s footsteps right behind me suddenly stopped—

“Oh, right. Hey.”

A voice calling me followed right after.

It was the same tone I always heard.

Yet, the moment it echoed in my ears, my heart started racing wildly… probably because the timing was impeccable.

What could he want?

What was he going to say?

I would’ve liked to urge him to hurry up and just spit it out, but I held back.

After all, it could turn out to be something unexpected; I couldn’t rush and mess things up.

So… I waited for Dogun to open his mouth in his own pace.

I waited, and finally—

“Um, about the scarf.”

Ah.

So that’s what it was about.

He wasn’t calling for another reason; it was just about that.

As I realized the excitement I had was merely a false alarm, the hopes I had built up plummeted before Dogun even spoke.

It was inevitable; once the scarf was mentioned, the next words were patently obvious.

He’d probably just ask for it back.

“Ah, sorry. I forgot.”

I thought it would go as I expected and was ready to return it, but… seems you never really know until you hear the words.

“No, what I meant was… if you like that style, maybe I could get you one?”

“Uh, what?”

I’d anticipated him asking for it back, but suddenly he was offering to buy me a scarf—it caught me off guard, and now I couldn’t help but feel flustered.

Especially since I had reacted thinking of a completely different reason, maybe Dogun’s eyes saw it a tad differently, causing him to scratch his cheek awkwardly while continuing.

“Well… you don’t really wear scarves, feeling all constricted in them.”

That… was true.

Scarves and thick padded jackets indeed felt restricting; when I wore them, the scarf felt stuffy and the jacket too heavy, though I wasn’t exactly resistant to cold either. In winter, I would shake from the chill every time I went out.

Even worse, when I was younger, my throat was pretty weak, and when I went out for even a short time in winter, I’d end up bedridden with a sore throat the next day.

And during those times, Dogun was the one who helped me with my care.

Every time I was sick in bed, he would nag me to wear something like a scarf, saying it’s for my own good. I used to get so annoyed at him while suffering from a sore throat, but reflecting on it now, those nagging moments become precious memories that made me smile.

“But you seem to be doing fine today.”

“…But you said you’re broke?”

“Hey, I received something as precious as this. I can definitely afford a scarf.”

I wasn’t sure when he had stashed away the Pepero he gifted me earlier, but seeing him shake it in front of me felt both cute and bittersweet.

Though he definitely couldn’t see it from his angle, the phrase “I like you” written on the side of the Pepero box kept dancing in front of my eyes, making it worse.

“So can we go to the department store’s luxury section?”

“Uh… isn’t that a bit much?”

“Why? You just said you could totally buy me a scarf.”

“No, it’s not about the money or anything…”

“Then?”

“It’s me thinking of you. Think about it; if your favorite hero wore luxury brands all their life since childhood, how would that look?”

“I guess I’d think they really like that brand.”

I felt like I knew what he wanted to hear, but I wasn’t keen on just giving it straight.

So I twisted the words around a bit, and he seemed to stutter, “Hmm… um…” while getting flustered, which was adorably amusing.

Here he was, towering at least 10 cm taller than me, and this was his reaction.

“But now that I think about it, just handing over one Pepero and expecting luxury is a bit…”

“Right? Right?”

Gone were the days of confusion; as soon as he shifted the conversation, he nodded eagerly as if waiting for me to agree with him.

Anyway… with this relationship shaped, I decided I’d buy a scarf when we got fitted for our school uniforms.

“But are they sold in the same shop?”

“Huh? Well, they wouldn’t sell it at the uniform store.”

“No, I meant not just the scarf… I mean our uniforms.”

“…Ah.”

“Well, they are in the same neighborhood, but I don’t know if they sell them together…”

As Dogun said, the school he had been accepted to and Hui-seo High were indeed in the same neighborhood.

The problem was that they were about four bus stops apart.

Regardless, hearing Dogun reminded me how real everything felt.

So… after finishing middle school, we’d be in different high schools.

Before, we could easily go together and match up our uniforms, but now, just because we went to different schools, such a big difference emerged.

The silver lining, at least, was that the bus route was the same?

So even if the mornings might be a bit hectic, if I took the bus to school, we could still leave together just like this, even after entering high school.

Of course… I’d have to wake up a bit earlier to synchronize with Dogun, but… how could that be too much to ask?

“So when are we going to get fitted for our uniforms?”

“Well… I guess after the vacation ceremony wraps up, right?”

With this, he keenly glanced at me, and it seemed he was preparing to tease me.

“You never know. What if we get our uniforms fitted early and something unexpected happens, like someone suddenly doesn’t fit anymore?”

“…Do you want to die? Can’t you see how many eyes are on us?”

“Hey… who do you think you are? I’m just saying.”

Can you believe he was still bringing up something from winter break during 1st year of middle school two years later?

“Anyway, you’re saying we’ll go after the vacation ceremony, right? So should I tell Dad in advance?”

“I guess so.”

I said that, but… my dad probably wouldn’t join us when it came to fitting for uniforms.

He’d say not to come along.

If he did come, he’d be an adult in the same space, making things a tad more convenient, but I wouldn’t want to waste a rare opportunity to be alone with Dogun.

Once we enter high school and get separated, it might be harder to synchronize our schedules, so I couldn’t afford to miss this chance.

Though I didn’t hear the words I was eager to, I had managed to secure quality time with Dogun, and I waited with both calmness and anxiety for that day to come.

Finally, when the long-awaited vacation ceremony arrived, I got ready with the card from Dad that I secured early that morning and headed toward Dogun.

I wondered if he was already interacting with friends since he wouldn’t need to go to school anymore starting tomorrow.

If it were the case, I would’ve loved to wait a bit longer, but unfortunately, time was short.

The principal’s speech dragged on for nearly 30 minutes, and it was almost noon.

I wished I could roam around with Dogun until dawn, but there was no way I was allowed to do that at home, so I needed to hurry up.

If my predictions were correct, Dad or Mom would probably start contacting me around 8 o’clock.

So, without hesitating, I dashed towards Dogun… thankfully, none of the kids around him were oblivious.

“Hey, let’s go.”

“Now? Right away?”

“You need to do these things right on the spot.”

“Well, I guess that’s true, but… what about your Dad?”

“My Dad? He said he couldn’t make it today.”

“Oh… that’s too bad.”

While I didn’t feel that way at all, I made sure to nod along with Dogun.

“I knew it. If only we could drive around in his car, it’d be super convenient.”

“We can’t help it, he has something going on.”

“It’s always during times like this when stuff comes up.”

“Eh… I bet he wanted to come along.”

…That was true.

Hearing we were going to get fitted for uniforms, his eyes sparkled with excitement, which was a bit childlike for his age.

Anyway… it seemed like I had created a solid excuse to roam around alone with Dogun, so it was really time to move now.

So…

“Let’s go. Fast.”