This World is too Cruel to Men – Chapter 348

“Haa…”

The softly exhaled sigh echoed hollowly against the frosty walls of the Training Ground.

At that moment, a puff of white breath danced in front of my eyes, but I shrugged it off and sprawled out on the floor of the Training Ground.

With more than an hour left until the training session ended, honestly, I didn’t really want to do anything more.

I mean, if I forced myself to continue training, my head would be filled with thoughts that had nothing to do with training anyway.

In that state, what good would it do to stubbornly press on with the training?

After all, trying to train with a mind full of irrelevant thoughts wouldn’t be effective, and if I pushed myself too hard, an accident might happen before I knew it.

“Hah…”

I sighed once more.

Of course, this was a sigh with a slightly different meaning than the one I had let out earlier.

“It’s already… been three years…”

Yeah, it’s not one or two years, but a whole three.

And what does three years mean?

No matter how much I tried to act mature, in the end, a kid who was just a high school student had enough time to become an adult and start living in society.

Honestly, if that much time has passed?

I thought it might be time to really forget.

It’s been three years after all.

So maybe I could give up on it.

But why…

Why is it that I can’t let go of something that’s clearly only going to cause me pain if I keep holding on?

It’s truly a baffling conundrum.

What could possibly remain with this that I haven’t even started?

Why do I keep feeling this attachment?

I had certainly tried to forget during this time.

I had made a disgustingly concerted effort to give up.

It was inevitable… because it hurt that much.

After witnessing Dogun and Chae-rim’s secret rendezvous three years ago… for about three months, right?

I felt like I might actually die from the pain in my heart.

Every time I accidentally ran into Dogun, I could hear something scratching away, along with their awkward conversation from that day ringing chaotically in my ears.

Before that, just looking at him brought up happy feelings like bubbles floating in the air… but I could no longer feel such extravagant emotions.

That’s why it hurt.

And after suffering for those three months, what followed in the next three months?

It was only half as painful.

Despite the relatively lessened pain, that haunting sound still lingered on.

Anyway… it was then that I first thought of the word ‘give up.’

After all, if holding on only caused more pain like it does now, I thought there was no longer any reason to keep dragging this out.

So… I thought I should give up at this point.

…Because I didn’t want to hurt anymore.

Of course… I figured it wouldn’t be that easy.

It couldn’t be—after all, I’ve held onto it for an entire ten years.

From when I was seven years old to becoming a high school student… it was an incredibly precious emotion that I had cared for.

How could it be easy to give that up with my own hands?

It would obviously be hard.

It might even hurt more than it does now.

But still… I thought time would heal it.

Since I had held onto it for ten years, maybe it might take more time than I expected to feel better… but I believed that if I just endured and persevered, it would surely be okay someday.

Moreover… there’s that saying, isn’t there?

‘Out of sight, out of mind.’

Since I started avoiding Dogun after that day?

If I kept avoiding him like this, surely this heart would calm down eventually.

Surely it would come to that.

I believed it wouldn’t fail, so at one point, I started to resent Dogun for coming around too much.

Thinking back now, it was really ridiculous, but I thought, “Is he doing this on purpose, knowing everything?”

That’s why I treated Dogun colder than before.

I wanted to give up at all costs, and I was putting every effort into it, but if he continued showing up like now, I thought I wouldn’t be able to give up at all.

So I maintained a chilled attitude every time he came around… Yet, despite that, Dogun visited the Training Ground every day.

Because of that, some totally senseless rumor spread around the school that Dogun, relying solely on his face, was trying to cling to me despite getting rejected multiple times.

The fact that Dogun and I had been friends for a long time was lost on those who spread such rumors, and it was obvious he knew I was avoiding him yet kept coming around and messing with my feelings.

Everything surrounding me felt suffocating.

So… that day too, I ended up saying some harsh words to Dogun, who came to talk as usual.

“Don’t you have any pride?”

“I’m so sick of you showing up like this, it makes me want to throw up, so just stop coming!”

And in a moment of panic, those words spilled out recklessly and turned out to be much more effective than I had thought.

As proof, the usually expressive Dogun’s face went emotionless.

And at that time?

I found it amusing to see his expression.

After all, I thought it should be me making that face, not him.

Who’s the one really getting hurt?

Who’s the one feeling betrayed after building up feelings for ten years?

Whenever I look at you, those conversations from that day replay in my mind automatically…

But you were the one who betrayed me first.

You knew how much I liked you, but pretended to accept it, tricking me…

So why are you the one making that face?

At the time, that’s what I thought, and when the next day came, and Dogun stopped visiting the Training Ground, I thought it was actually a good thing.

It couldn’t be helped that the rumors had spread, but I thought if Dogun didn’t come anymore, then those rumors wouldn’t get worse, nor would my resolved heart begin to waver.

So I thought I just had to truly give up now…

Little did I know, who could have guessed?

Even after a whole three years had passed from then, I would still be stuck in the same place.

Was my effort to give up insufficient?

Is that why it came to this?

Probably not.

After all, I believe that I’ve put in enough effort.

I even tried dating someone else, believing that love can be forgotten with another love.

Yet despite that, I still found myself stagnant because no man caught my eye.

Those guys that are handsome to anyone’s eyes?

Honestly, Dogun is already far better looking than most male celebrities, and for anyone to be better than him, they’d need to be a top celebrity.

And even if there was someone slightly more handsome than Dogun, their personality often left much to be desired.

Should I say they only had looks?

But too serious types weren’t really my thing either.

After all, those types weren’t fun.

As I pushed away each person coming towards me for their own reasons, I naturally started to realize something.

So… how special Dogun truly was.

But to give up?

Realizing that made me suddenly feel frustrated.

More precisely… I didn’t want to do it.

Why should I have to?

Because there’s already Chae-rim?

If we put it that way, the one who intruded first was him.

After all, I was the one who liked him first.

And I was the one who recognized Dogun’s specialness before anyone else.

So even if he intruded now, he shouldn’t have much to say.

Getting Chae-rim to make half-hearted arguments to move in, and boldly pushing into a place that would have rightfully been their nest… that’s the reason why I did that.

I tried to settle as close to Dogun as possible…

But the real issue was I had no idea where to start unraveling this mess that had been left tangled for three years.

It was inevitable since I hadn’t had a proper conversation with Dogun since we argued three years ago.

That being the case, I didn’t even know what kind of face I should show him.

Even though I had managed to get into the position of living together that I had once envied so much, I still maintained a cold attitude when faced with Dogun.

That was why, in recent years, we treated each other like complete strangers, and now trying to completely change my attitude felt somewhat… awkward.

And that would probably be mutual.

Even if I changed my attitude now, Dogun would likely only become more defensive.

“I still need to resolve this quickly…”

I was mumbling that internally when suddenly, the mobile phone I had left far away for training rang wildly.

It was the alarm sound I had set before starting training, announcing that the rental time at the Training Ground was about to end, and also signaling the morning had ended and the afternoon was beginning.

On the other hand… it was also a signal that someone with too many people to look after was inevitably about to head out for a nap due to insufficient sleep.